misadventures of ah liak

The passing of a great man

2010-05-23T02:19:00.001+08:00

This is a picture of no ordinary man. This is the man who helped forge Singapore into a great success. And yet he remain nondescript till the end. After retiring from the cabinet in 1984, he slipped into obscurity and nothing was heard from him in official circles. Forgotten is the apt descriptory. If there was ever a biography of this man, it should be named the Unknown Story.

I am poised to describe Dr Goh as an engima. Never will we be able to get a maelstro who is able to juggle 3 heavy weight portfolios namely Defence, Finance and Education and be able to turn in a stellar performance consistently. If Lee shone as an outstanding politician then Dr Goh must have been the exemplary technocrat.

For all of his greatness, i knew little of this man. He had left the government before i was born and yet i benefited immensely from his lasting legacy although for the record, this was unbeknownst to the masses as well except for the older generation. For all of the vocally uncouth and bloated swagger i see from the current crop of newly minted politicians in Singapore, Dr Goh’s subtle style comes across as being refreshing. I wouldn’t know what Singapore would be like if this man hadn’t decided to stake his bet on a swampy and dingy island back in the 1960s.

I earnestly offer my thanks and gratitude. We Singaporeans are indebted to you and we owe you our success.

Rest in peace.

a brief motoring history

2010-05-09T23:02:00.001+08:00

My father’s first foray into motoring started with a humble EP70 Starlet. It was his kind and affable Sqn S3 who literally shoved the car keys to him and ask him to drive around. Yes that Starlet was his. Nice uncle. He knew that my dad was feeling uneasy about driving since he had not driven for a good 7 years since obtaining his licence. After taking the keys and driving the car for a good 2 week (Uncle Watt was on holidays for a good 2 weeks hence he passed him the car), he never looked back ever since.

The EP Starlet XL

Not too long later in 2001, he bought the venerable AE101. It was a manual 1600 Gli which was enjoyable to drive with good handling, decent power to weight ratio and low centre of gravity.

The AE101 Corolla (G7)

i was sad to see it go actually. Such a fine looking car. Not many COE specimens found nowadays.

My dad had scrapped the AE101 and bought a firsthand AE120 Corolla from Borneo Motors in 2003. Instead of a manual, he now opted for an automatic and the the 1500cc Xli had pretty high equipment specification levels. While i noticed most other corollas running around had fabric seats and manual dial air conditioning, ours came stock with leather seats and dual zone climate control. I affectionately called it the Hipporolla and it had a special place in my heart because it was the first car i drove. I remember her fondly for her frugality in fuel consumption and nimbleness.

The AE120 Corolla (G9)

I remember that i casually took a photo using my grainy handphone’s camera on a nondescript evening. It turned out the be the last time i every got to photograph the car. I can still feel a tinge of regret thinking about it. 14km/l fuel consumption with more than brisk traction. Who is going to complain about this hipporolla? Nissan and Honda i am sure. I supposed it was a good reason why the Hipporolla had to go. Curse the COE for irrevocably inprinting the impression that cars have an artificial shelf life of 10 years. I guess the high annual depreciation was abit too much too swallow for this ride too.

I would have to say that i am impressed by the NVH performance of the second iteration of the Altis. But i am not pleased about the worse off build quality considering that it hailed from Thailand. I am sorry but i think Thais are miles behind the Japanese when it comes to QC, work ethic and professionalism.

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Enough about the reminiscing. Lets go to where it matters the numbers. As a driver, the numbers that matter to me in the performance department are namely;

1. Kerb weight

2. Torque band

3. Power band

4. Power to weight ratio

5. Torque to weight ratio

1. Kerb weight

Newton’s first law as i quote here, prints

An object will remain in its state of rest or continue its motion in a straight line, in the direction it was originally intended for at zero acceleration in the absence of a net force.

Consequentially, this law can be interpreted to mean the law of Inertia in which an object has an inherent resistance to changes to its state of motion. This inherent resistance is proportional to its mass. By keeping the kerb weight low, the inertia is decreased and this helps to ensure two things.

1.) the net force required to change the car’s state of motion is minimal

2.) the time required to execute the change in state of motion is minimal

Honestly, who did say that everything is bound to get better with time with the development and refinement of technology? Look at the kerb weight/ It is increasing! Damn it!

2.Torque band

The torque band is a graphical term, very much intended as a term to describe an engine’s torque output response in a dynamometer test. Ideally speaking, the engine should be able to throw out some torque at extremely low revs. Torque is required for all vehicles to start moving and it is the foundation which pick up is centred upon.

You don’t even have to chance to talk about how fast the vehicle is increasing its velocity if the vehicle is not even moving in the first place.

A good torque band is one which is flat and spreads out the torque adequately along a wide range of rpm. The reasoning against peaks in torque bands is because sudden increases in torque results in a very uncomfortable ride i.e. jerking. Deft control of the accelerator would be mandated thus a flatter torque band is desired.

3. Power band

Similar, you would want a wide spread of power across the rpm range. But honestly, you would want to prevent yourself from accidentally accelerating like a jackrabbit when you were originally planning to move really slowwwwwwly in the mall’s carpark prowling for a lot right? That means that you would want a increasing function for a power band. And oh, have you ever experienced the car running out of breath at a relatively high rpm of say 6500rpm? That’s because the power band has essentially ended its incline there. Abruptly. Ideally, you would want it to increase till say 10,000 rpm like in AE86’s 4A-GE. Woohoo

4/5. Power/Torque to weight ratio

We often heard of braggers boasting about their BHP figures. Honestly, BHP figures along are useless. Consider that you have an engine putting out 400BHP at crank. Impressive? YES when i fit it into a car that weighs maybe slightly over a tonne. How about a portly coach bus that weighs about 5 cars combined? Not that 2 fast 2 furious i am sure.

Power is defined generically as the rate at which work is being done. In our context, we are concerned with the rate at which the car’s velocity is being increased. And surely, the rate at which the velocity is increased is affected by the weight of the car. if the car is really hefty, it will really tax the engine more to accelerate at an equal rate as an identical engine mated to a light weight car.

I can offer no textbook numerical value for an ideal power to weight ratio. It is all subjective to an individual. To a driver used to driving Chery QQ, any other car’s power to weight ratio seems superb. To a newly converted driver used to riding a 2000cc bike, all NA cars fitted with any engine lower than 2400cc in capacity seems to be lacking in the power to weight ratio department.

For my study, i have opted to use the Honda Civic 2.0 Si as a reference because in my opinion, this car has the power to weight ratio which is ideal (to me) Data crunching matters, the power to weight ratio which is defined as W/kg should be as high as possible. Only the Hipporolla is close with 10 points off (which is still a staggering difference)

Like i mentioned earlier on, BHP is useless without torque, it is the BHP that keeps your car moving at an ever faster rate but it is the torque that shoves the car from standby in the first place. Ever asked a toddler to push a fully laden shopping trolley all the name of humour? That’s the point i am going to make. If an engine cannot make enough shove to push a car from rest, it is going to be HELLUVA work.

I have defined the torque to weight ratio as (kg/Nm). For example, an engine rated at 200Nm and mated to a car having a kerb weight of 2000 kg means that each Nm of torque is responsible to pushing 10 kg of deadweight. From this logic, it is understood that as opposed to the power to weight ratio which should be desirably high, the torque to weight ratio should be ideally as low as possible.

So now if you look at the Altis’s power to weight ratio and torque to weight ratio and compare it to its predecessor as well as the reference standard i.e. Honda Civic 2.0 Si, you understand why i am so depressed.

i have attached the torque/power bands of all 3 engines below for reference.

4A-FE (AE101 Corolla G7)

1NZ-FE (AE120 Corolla G9)

3ZZ-FE (AE140 Corolla Altis)

WRT54G

2010-05-06T00:40:00.001+08:00

Now i am thinking of getting a pair of high gain 9dBi omni directional antennae and porting the firmware to tomato so i go boost the Tx power from stock 40mW to 70mW. :/

Life

2010-05-05T02:10:00.001+08:00

Everyone is born into this world in the same manner and yet leaves this very same world in differing manners. Why is that so? Some would attempt to say that this is all due to everyone having different fates. I don’t want to get drawn into the Fate and Destiny discourse. I rather stay with the idea that Life is a culmination of a series of choices. How your life turns out depends on how good or how bad those choices were.

Every now and then, we are presented with a decision to be made. Accompanying this decision are choices. At certain times, there appears to be only one available and yet at other circumstances, other choices appear to be seemingly out of the realm of possibilities in which one can exercise options.

Choices are like doors. You are presented with doors and you choose which one to go through them. At times when Life seems to be a preordained motion of events, remember this; The door is in front of you. It is up to you to choose whether you would want to go through it or not.

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Last afternoon, someone came over to my residence to do a check on my networking hardware and setup. I expected it to be simple and uneventful; the usual SOPs and the endorsement on the Work Order form and then normal life resumes. Sometimes Life presents surprises in mild ways you never know. I never expect thomas to be such an affable chap. I initially noticed glimpses of his friendliness when he unilaterally doled out url links which are “useful”. Heh

Next he started to gave out tips about optimising my home networking setup. Seems to me at this point that thomas is an overfriendly technician. He started to talk about changing the internet browser from IE8 (which is junk yes i know) to Masthon. By the way, Maxthon is an open source project combining the goodness of FF and Chrome so do-gooders, you know what to do.

The conversation which was barely existent at the onset sputtered into broken phrases, to and fro replies and finally dramatic expressions with animated gestures. What was supposed to be a monologue about TCP/IP, SN margins and whatsnot erupted into talk about the garmen, current affairs and cars! Sweeeeeeeet, i love talking about cars.

Turns out thomas just scrapped his old starlet and is just getting about finding a COE car. Our interesting conversation was peppered appropriately with comments like “hmmm, your internet connection is back on par now”, “oh i hear the thunder, inclement weather can affect DSL connectivity due to charge buildup in the atmosphere affecting the phone exchange cabinet” bla bla bla

What was supposed to be a 20-minute appointment ballooned into almost 3 hours LOL.I think he did mentioned in a subsequent conversation with my mum that he felt that there is affinity with me when i started talking. Haha. When he mentioned that, i decided that maybe friends do turn up at your doorsteps on a nondescript morning without invitation. Indeed, it was the case and we agreed unanimously to adjourn for lunch.

We go to school and we acquire school friends. Through life’s twists and turns, we collect friends and acquaintances through the common social spaces that we frequent. And with that, we acquire workplace friends, [insert place of worship] friends etc. As a matter of fact, we make friends while going through the routine of achieving whatever we were trying to do in our tenure at the said social space. Once the tenure has ended, one moves on. What decides whether those friends will continue to be friends?

Many a times i see people trying real damn hard to keep friendships together and it is clear that this is really a difficult enterprise. The reason behind this is that with the passage of time, one’s life changes and so does one’s circumstances and priorities in life. If the notion of these friendships do not remain relevant in one’s life, then it will simply wither and die. I don’t believe in sustaining an initiative which is incapable of surviving independently. We are again back to the debacle of euthanasia vs. keeping a brain dead patient alive on a life support machine.

If things are meant to be, they will be.

a little less conversation a little more action please

2010-05-02T20:42:00.001+08:00

Isn’t your post about the society a complaint itself?

OWNED.

Enter a post title, do i have to always do so?

2010-04-27T14:27:00.001+08:00

I always have a propensity to think a lot about matters in my life. This is also true of the mildest thing that crossed my path and happen to intrigue my interest. Some people have said that i worry too much about nothing. Sometimes i do get overwhelmed with pessimistic thoughts weighing down on my consciousness, bearly giving me space to breathe. For those times, i think their opinions have an element of truth in them. But the real truth is that i would like to think that i am a thinker rather than a worrier.

Much worry and ado for nothing? No, i think not. Here is a piece of thinking that i did last night.

Many times in our lives, we mull and agonise over the big decisions in our lives. We perceive them as being major, purportedly because of their intrinsic connectedness to the central arrangements in our lives. And society would have us think that it is normal too. How many of us have not thought that changing a job, getting married or buying a house constitutes a major decision? Indeed we all do.

In the midst of focusing our energies on those major decisions, we conveniently forget about those minor decisions. We invoke simple decision making routines for such minor decisions, often monotonously giving little or not thought at all to such choices. Much like you simply leap across when you encounter a water puddle in your path in your stroll. It is good and bad in a way, i am inclined to think.

The good is that you don’t give too much fuss in a life that is already full of buzz. Don’t we already feel chocked some times with everyone and everything around baying for a piece of ourselves? Just gotta do what’s gonna be done.

Yet my thinker alter ego urges me to think otherwise. As much as the little decisions count for naught in terms of significance alone, taken altogether, it would be foolhardy to dismiss all of them as being naught. And this pessimistic sentiment was not borne out of baseless paranoia. Recall the “butterfly effect”. The butterfly effect is a metaphor to describe the sensitivity of initial conditions to changes. I believe that our lives, everyone of us included, are complicated. Taken one life at a time, i consider it to be a highly complex system, both dynamic and fluid with multiple inputs and multiple outputs (MIMO). The inputs include not only the decision inputs that we exercise out but also the decisions by other individuals which have a partial bearing on the decisions we make. And, some decisions have a resonance cascade effect, leading onto effects which influence the making of certain decisions and so on and so forth.

The simplest summary of such a system is that life is a consequential and reactionary system constituted by a lineage of decisions, big and small. One change in any one “link” in this “chain” of decisions have a tremendous effect on the causal relationship of the decisions as a whole on the overall effects. That is, the overall profile and character of the variables have changed thus should the effects as according to the butterfly effect.

What is the moral of the story?

As much as we agonise over the major or big decisions in our lives, remember that it is actually the accumulation of the decisions big and small that matters more. it is probably a romantic notion to think that one big decision can have that devastating effect on your life. Remember that it wasn’t THAT decision that set the life changing course in motion. It ALREADY was in motion courtesy of some previous decisions in collective.

EPIC

2010-04-23T22:35:00.001+08:00

Facebook post of the decade.

EPIC

PS. my toes are laughing

WRT54G

2010-04-20T13:58:00.001+08:00

A few days ago Urong commented that my blog is becoming hardwarezone-risque. Meaning the bulk of my writing is now highly devoted to geeky stuff like DIY IT matters.

Noooooooooooooo! I am a guy with a healthy lifestyle with diverse interests. Alright alright, i will blog more about OTHER stuff k.

But before that people, do you think i should upgrade the stock RP-TNC 5dBi antennae of my WRT54G router to a high gain 16dBi Yagi antenna?

If it goes true, next time i might be possible for me to receive signal from Northpoint. HAHAHA joking i don’t think that is possible.

MSI Wind (Part 2)

2010-04-20T13:52:00.001+08:00

So i umm ordered a pair of internal speakers from this guy called Babis who resided in Greece. I paid him promptly using Paypal and he shipped the speakers to me as per usual routine.

I checked the tracking number for a good many days and just now yes literally like 1/2 hour ago, the postman came and i signed the package.

Well well well, to think that amid the gloom and doom of the final exams looming around the corner, there is a moment of respite. :D

Oh btw, if you would like some Greek stamps let me know, i would let you have them. :)

This is the actual size of the speakers. I have placed a 20 cent coin just to illustrate how diminutive in size it is.

In order to access the PCB connector for the speakers, i have to first physically remove the mini PCI-E WIFI card. I gingerly nudge the first coaxial cable out of its socket in order to expose the screw securing the WIFI card to the motherboard.

With the WIFI card out of the way, i can see clearly the PCB connector. it is the first one vertically bottom wise. It was abit tricky getting the old PCB connector out since there is virtually little or not grab holds on the male connector. In the end, i cracked it –.- but anyway i got it out of the female socket and inserted the new PCB connector into the female socket.

As a final wrap up, i used some flexi tape to wrap around the individual tweeters so that they fit snugly into the customised enclosures. If you have been following my posts, you will recall that these enclosures are nothing more than high density polyethylene bottle caps which i have liberally sawn to fit them into the atrociously tight compartment in the Wind’s interior.

I filmed the enhanced Wind belting out MJ’s Bilie Jeans. I can feel that the bass and treble has improved and loudness is definitely there. However the audio recording of this video might not have done proper justice to the newly enhanced audio quality.

Thanks for reading :)

MRT like in 20 years?

2010-04-17T13:37:00.001+08:00

From the diagram, you can observe many newer iterations of LRT lines. Sheesh and i thought that Punggol and Choa Chu Kang, the testbed for LRT proved that it was a failure.

It is slower than a bus and i don’t understand what is the rationale of having rail when the bugger is essentially propelled along by tires. YES this fella has got tires and they basically roll underneath the carriage on the narrow concrete pavement of the rail. Lacking even a basic leaf spring suspension, the LRT carriage bounces like a banshee on the soft rubber tires. And tell me people, can that flax tube contain enough people to allow it to be considered as public transport? It would probably have sufficed as wacko jacko’s personal rail in his infamous Neverland but in burgeoning Singapore? Sorry it doesn’t make the cut.

MSI Wind U100 (Update part 1)

2010-04-15T16:19:00.001+08:00

I am so excited! I bought a pair of internal speakers and they are enroute to me now. The price is alittle pricey for my liking but what to do, MSI neither maintain an online parts store nor are there a wide proliferation of parts suppliers carrying stock in ebay or something. Stay tuned!

Hipporolla

2010-04-14T15:11:00.001+08:00

My old car lies over the ocean

My old car is nowhere to be

My old car is steady pom pee pee

Oh bring back my old car to me

[chorus]

Bring back oh bring back oh bring back good mileage to me to me

Bring back oh bring back oh bring back good pickup to me

[chorus ends]

My old car lies over the ocean

My old car is somewhere middle east

My old car looks like hippopotamus

Oh bring back the bugger to me~

[chorus]

Plans for my netbook

2010-04-13T20:53:00.001+08:00

1.) Buy an Astone 2.5” external enclosure ($19.90)

2.) Swap out the existing WD Scorpio 5400rpm 160GB HDD 8MB cache for a WD Scorpio Black 7200rpm 16MB cache HDD ($99)

3.) Resize the existing partitions using Acronis Disk Director

a.) Delete the 120GB data partition

b.) Create a new empty partition so i will gain 2x 80GB partitions

4.) Clone the old disk image onto the new disk

5.) Install Snow Leopard OSX on the new empty partition

6.) Buy and swap out the existing pair of internal speakers ($14)

IT IS ALIVE!

2010-04-12T11:32:00.001+08:00

I can use my netbook again! WOO HOO!

Thanks marleen :D

Nokia 6288 update (part 2)

2010-04-10T18:11:00.001+08:00

:) Oh hi everyone! I am so elated right now. I just went down to check the mail and realised that my ebay item i.e. the keypad membrane for Nokia 6280/6288 was already in. i wasted no time in dismantling the slider and fitted the keypad membrane proper. My pervious suspicion was confirmed via a bright LCD screen smiling back to life. Whoops!

As mentioned some posts ago, despite having no blueprint of the Nokia 6288’s logic circuitry, i suspected that the logic mechanism governing the backlight of the LCD screen was controlled by the keypad membrane. Unfortunately eons ago, when i was mucking around with the phone, i actually blundered and broke the female connector of the original keypad membrane. Oh well, it doesn’t matter now, the thing WORKS NOW! i AM COOL!

AND THE BEST THING WAS THAT PREVIOUSLY THE CAMERA DIDN’T WORK BUT NOW IT DOES. YOU KNOW HOW BIG THAT IS OR NOT? THOSE CHEEBONG NOKIA SERVICE CENTRE PERSONNEL SAY CANNOT REPAIR YOU KNOW?? but i can :)

Mods done thus far,

1.) replaced LCD screen

2.) replaced flex cable

3.) replaced keypad membrane

Total outlay: $14+$1+10= $25 SGD

Well i considered it to be a cheap cost for a fulfilling tutorial and experience. :D

In the works:

Double booting Windows XP Home 32bit and OSX Leopard from MSI Wind U100

P.S. this project would have to wait albeit, reluctantly till the hols because i am patiently awaiting the arrival of a new AC adapter.

Nokia 6288 update (part 1)

2010-04-08T17:51:00.001+08:00

Previously we saw how a belligerent ah liak tried to fix up a dormant Nokia 6288 which was basically brain dead for a good year or so. The term brain dead is somewhat technically incorrect because it wasn’t the PCB of the handphone that conked out in the first place. Rather, it was the LCD screen that conked out.

AND recently, sad to say, the phone started behaving erratically. And i realised the issue was the LCD backlight.The backlight circuitry is sorted of governed from the keypad membrane. During one of my early forays in dismantling the phone, i accidentally cracked the data contact of the original keypad membrane. I suspect that the fallen out gold contacts are part of the logic circuits controlling the LCD backlight.

As of now, i am still awaiting the arrival of the new keypad membrane. I will post results of the new salvage operation soon. Thank you for reading!

Dear march (part 2)

2010-04-08T12:00:00.002+08:00

This was an unfortunate incident that hurt me where it matters most, in the wallet.

*wince

But on hindsight it demonstrated my ingenuity as a person and my independent ability to think on my feet fast.

A month ago, my dad enacted a law allowing me to use the car on Friday :) This unfortunate incident sad to say, happened on a Thursday 2 weeks ago. My parents under extraordinary circumstances agreed to let me drive to school on a Thursday. Kent Vale was already closed to the parking crowd by end February so i decided to park at the Yong Siew Toh Conservatory of Music MSCP because the carpark is closer to my lesson venue and the parking fee is capped at $2.48

It was a shame that i failed to exercise due diligence and reversed into a pillar. The damage assessment was as follows.

The left rear lamp lens was fractured with 4 crack lines splintering to the far reaches of the lens. However the bulb elements were still functioning perfectly upon testing. There was an awful lot of dust on the bumper and a dot scrape.

Also damaged was my confidence and ego. I was traumatised because in my 4 years of driving, i have never gotten into any accident. I decided to report the incident to my dad albeit with a heavy heart. He told me to leave the matter aside and he will take care of it. I felt bad because i have caused unnecessary trouble.

Thus i immediately set upon seeking a logical course of action. Going back to Borneo Motors was out of the question because it is common knowledge that it is pricey. I decided to try my luck asking the stockists which basically brings in parts and sell them to anyone including workshops and auto parts resellers. I posted a thread asking for contacts in mycarforum and the bros there were very helpful (thanks bros!) and i got 3 contacts altogether. I called these 3 stockists and in the end i decided on Fong Tat which quoted me the lowest at 120 before GST.

Again i called up my dad and he sounded sceptical but eventually he relented to me buying from Fong Tat but on condition that the installation will be done by a workshop which he will source for. This is when Google came in. I searched extensively and discovered that the entire lamp assembly could actually be removed wholesale since it was secured by only 3 pairs of nuts and bolts. Something inside told me that i had to DIY. So i decided to drive straightaway to Fong Tat which was located at Perumal Road opposite City Square Mall. I withdrew 128 (with GST) and paid COD.

I didn’t waste time going elsewhere and i simply fixed my lamp on the spot :D The uncle told me that if not for the high performance LEDs used in the rear lamp, the lamp would otherwise cost only $40. %&*^*&^ but whatever la haha. i also had to swap out the H4 bulb since the lamp assembly came without the bulb.

I estimated that if i had gone to a workshop to provide labour and the parts plus service charge, i think most probably the damage will be around 200 at least. So in view of this, i saved nearly 75 bucks. And best of all, i rectifed the issue within 2 hours.

Dear march (part 1)

2010-04-08T11:30:00.001+08:00

Hi world, i seem to have something against march this year since inauspicious happenings just seem to befall me so frequently. below is one such encounter. I was driving home together with gen from Mustafa’s and we were trundling along Serangoon Road. We were moving in slow traffic of about 30~40km/h when i found myself in a scenario as captured in the schematic diagram below.

Legend:

Me: Me

Taxi lau: Comfort cabby

CBK: Please consult your knowledgeable Singaporean friend

So this CBK who was driving a silver Golf GTi tried to perform lane change into the space between me and the taxi lau. I wasn’t prepared to emergency brake to give him that concession and thus i gave him the horn since there was no safety distance anyway, duhhh!

But this CBK decided to come in anyway and caused me to stomp on my brakes. Fine, i concluded by this time that this CBK was also quite KL (again please consult your knowledgeable Singaporean friend) I was annoyed to say the least so i wanted to get this bugger out of my sights. At least i was motivated by my desire to not stay behind such a dangerous driver. And so i proceeded to signal right and change lane.

And just when i was about to maneuver into the next lane, i heard the CBK rev up his turbo and essentially move into the lane i was going into. This cycle repeated for a good 5 times. And every time i would hear his turbo roar into life. For goodness’s sake, i wasn’t sure of the point he was trying to make. Revving his turbo against a measly Altis that i was driving which was stock to the bones and slow as hell?

Fine, he managed to get me angry and i attempted to change lane my way but no… the CBK wasn’t going to have any of that. He decided to stop me anyway by e braking on me.

THAT’S IT

I signalled my hazards lights and we stopped at the traffic lights which was red along the old National Aerated Water factory. I alighted and walked to the CBK’s car. He pretended to act blur inside his darkened cocoon. After 10 seconds or so, he winded down his window and asked me what i want.

Me: “Hi dickhead, you think it is so cool trying to prove a point that the Golf GTI is faster than an Altis? FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU BLOODY FUCKBALL! LIMPEH HORN YOU BECAUSE YOU TRY TO SQUEEZE INTO SPACE AS IF YOU DRIVE A QQ, WHERE THE HELL IS THE SAFTEY DISTANCE HUH CHEE BYE? THEN YOU TRY TO STOP ME FROM LEAVING THE SCENE BY PREVENTING ME FROM CHANGING LANE, SO YOU WANT TO ESCALATE THE MATTER IS IT DICKHEAD? COME DOWN LA AND LET ME PERFORM PLASTIC SURGERY ON YOUR FACE!”

CBK:*winds up window and said nothing.

Me: * i walked back to car and got back in.

Troubled

2010-03-22T12:07:00.002+08:00

This has indeed been a beleaguered year since it began. I don't know about this whole business. It sure sucks and i can feel the gloom and doom enveloping me once again. I know this feeling before. It was back in year 2 not too long ago. I was floundering and endlessly lost at a crossroad with no signs, no Samaritans to help, no nothing.

It is quite like standing in a busy intersection when you suddenly find yourself physically trapped in a time warp where time slows down to a crawl. And the rest of the world trundles by with nary a care in the world. And because of the large relative disparity in the rate of passage of time, it is one nightmare of a kaleidoscopic experience with bold strokes of swirls and blurs.

This sense of comprehension soon went on to develop into a full bloom pandemic of paranoia. I am deigned to seek counsel in this personal moment of distress but even if i could set pride and ego aside, who could i seek?

I hope i see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

P.S. I sure hope that beam of light isn't that of an incoming train though.

Tiger year so ummm meow?

2010-03-08T13:23:00.003+08:00

The tiger year hasn't exactly started on a great note for me. For one thing, my mood was tempered by the relatively gloomy outlook. I have no doubts that this is most probably attributed to the fact that my zodiac star sign has once again went into some serious incompatible business with the current year's star formation. Well, de-conflicting was in order and i hope that it will do, for the most part.
I could feel this change enveloping me after the onset of CNY. Could well be a self-prophecy yes i know i know but still it is unsettling. I am operating on half battery most of the times, deranged and more importantly out of focus. Damn.
Had my fair shares of things gone awry and unfavourable situations but thanks be to God, i have made it so fair in one big fatty chunk of a piece. And oh, this brings me to something. I am a fat tiger now. I have a dire need to burn those fats off. I keep dreaming of myself auctioning off my fats at $5000 an ounce and then use those "hard-earned" cash to buy a car. HAHAHA.

Andddd speaking of cars, i dont know why ( i didn't come~~) i recently had this strong yearning to have a car. And three candidates have made the shortlist :D Very different from the old list i has like 1 year ago. And here they are :D

1. Hyundai Avante 1.6

2. Fiat Punto 1.4M

3. Volkswagen Jetta 1.4 TSi

And i end off my post on a happy note in the hope that my year will turn up as a happy song.

Rejoice!

2010-01-26T01:36:00.003+08:00

I did it! The Nokia 6288 which i owned 3 years ago has officially come back to life! 3 years ago due to the intrusion of corrosive liquids, the data flex cable of the LCD screen was damaged beyond repair. Upon consulting Ebay, it was found that a replacement fee of $60 not inclusive of shipping fee had to be paid for the purchase of an OEM screen.

Nokia Customer Care was beyond question. They claim the warranty was null and void and quoted $140 for repair. Ridiculous.

Three years later here i am. I always thought of salvaging this phone but somehow the price put me off. Then last week i randomly browsed Ebay and realised that prices for the LCD has dropped rock bottom. $10 apiece plus free shipping. I immediately jumped on the offer. 4 days later hey presto! Phone come back to life!

Notice the crisp capture of the font on the LCD screen. If you are mindful enough, you will note that the LCD is itself located below the housing some distance away. Using conventional 9 point focusing algorithms found in most digital cameras, this picture will never have been taken properly.

The answer is manual dial focusing. I am fascinated and delight, least to say that my Canon SX200IS has this function.

12x optical zoom

5~60mm lens

Manual blade aperture control

Shutter speed priority

Well worth my half grand

FINALLY

2009-12-14T23:41:00.002+08:00

yes like finally!

M1 broadband is up! My bet paid off. A picture speaks a thousand words so this is what i have obtained roughly for 5 tries (all 5 being around this values). Hopefully this means that the values aren't burst values.

My netbook adventure (Misadventure perhaps?)

2009-12-12T21:13:00.002+08:00

Seems like today is a fine day to blog for this is the 3rd post today. The word comes from the colloquial usage of the word modify. Very unusual if you ask me because "modifiy" is in itself a verb which embodies a certain action/act. So from the way people have used the term, modding has long become an acceptable member of our lingua franca.

Modding refers to the practice of engineering ingenious tweaks to pre-existing everyday things in our lives in such a manner that the intended manner of usage of the said thing has been permanently altered. The scope of functionality could have been altered to encompass a wider realm of possibility. So apparently, the product can now be used to achieve a purpose of which it was not intended or designed for in the first place. In most circumstances, modding comes across as being milder. It allows for limits to be pushed further. All contraceptions are meant to operate within a set of limits of which there are acceptable margins of tolerance. By modding in this context here, that doesn't necessarily mean that we are tempting fate by wreaking havoc on the product itself. We are merely trying to set the margin of error thinner, thats all. :)

So, back to my subject of focus. My netbook.

MSI Wind U100. The original Asus eee PC contender that helped to spearhead growth of the UMPC market. A search through Google will have you boogling at the sheer number of awards of which it has garnered since its unveiling in April 2008. I am proud to say that i was one of the first few to buy a U100 armed with the 6 cell :)

Here are the specifications:

MSI Wind U100243SG

2GB (1x GB soldered on motherboard, 1x GB DDR2 667Mhz)

Western Digital Sata 5400rpm 160GB Scorpio HDD

Intel 945GSE Northbridge ICH7 Southbridge

1.3 MP Bison Webcam

Ralink RT2700E b/g/n PCI-E Wireless

Bluetooth 2.0

Windows XP Home edition

6 cell 5200mAh

3x USB 2.0 compliant ports

Sentelic Touchpad

Now, while a car aficionado will have you believe that some cars are a dream to behold, car ownership is totally another matter altogether. In comes the grouses. Yes, it is the same for computers. Reviews raves and raves but it is truly the rigours of time that will truly dig up bit by bit the flaws of a computer. Only farts will tell you that something is perfect. THERE IS NOTHING PERFECT IN THIS WORLD.

Grouses 2.0:

1. I hate the speakers. They sound like WW2 Signaling speakers

2. I dislike the stiff rocker button of the touchpad.

3. I loathe the Sentelic cheapo touchpad immensely. Scrolling should always be done via dragging not tapping.

:) not alot of grouses right? okay so how the hell does this all link up with modding? Why yes but of course, i modded to blast these grouses to oblivion!

1.) The primary reason why the speakers suck is why because they aren't very far from being sucky in the first place :/ MSI has neglected to create proper enclosures for the speakers as well. Enclosures are critical to eliminate the occurrence of destructive interference in speakers especially during the process of "throw" i.e. when the cone(s) are moving back and forth. Simple, i created my own enclosures by cutting two plastic caps to shape and mounting the speakers snugly in them. Terrific? Errr no quite. You see, prior to me gaining enlightenment, i unfortunately operated the speakers beyond their bandwidth.

Bandwidth here doesn't refer to what you think of as the internet surfing speed. No no no... not that. Here, think of the speakers as a electrical transducer. It takes in electrical signals and converts them into sound waves. And as much as sound waves differ in terms of frequencies, certainly different kinds of electrical inputs will be required to elicit different kind of frequency in aural output. This is where bandwidth comes into play. A good speaker has high bandwidth, that is, it is able to accept a wide range of electrical signals and amplify the output so that you get crystal clear audio output with no distortion. A bad speaker on the other hand, can only amplify a narrow range of audio sound waves. So this mod essentially increases the bandwidth of the speakers. Well a little too late unfortunately. Every now and then, the crackling on the left speaker comes to play, making me cringe. Too bad, the internal speakers are as elusive as the Tasmanian Tiger on the net. :/

2.) I simply took out the rocker switch and saw it into two :D Done!

3.) I am contemplating ordering a proper Synaptic touchpad from well well well, Asus :/

4.) I am mulling doing a swap of the original HDD for a faster one i.e. a 7200rpm Sata HDD which should be around 320GB. Then a dual boot will be in the works. Imagine! A netbook booting up to OS X Snow Leopard. WOW.

Well done

2009-12-12T21:01:00.002+08:00

好一个自编自导自演。Give that man a tiger lar

Update!

2009-12-12T16:14:00.002+08:00

Previously, we saw how an insane deluge of iPhones wannabes drove me bonkers. (They still do unfortunately, never mind the enticing iPhone plans) I dutifully hit the redial button on my phone like a well-oiled gramophone and finally like after the 999999999999th time, i got a connecting tone. Wow.

I held the line for approximately 3 centuries and someone came to attend to me. Superb.

So i, contrary to my usual well-manner conduct, went straight to the point.

"Hi, I would like to speak to your Manager puh-leaseeeeee."

My request was accepted. He called me like probably 2 decades later because he just came to work apparently. The name's Adrian. Good guy, very patient which explains why he's a manager probably. I basically laid my cards on the table (and probably shocked him abit with the rhetoric)

1.) A technician came down on 3 Dec and confirmed that my house internal telephony is sound

2.) I was able to surf the net via a ADSL service previous approximately 5 donkey years ago in 2005 which proves point 1

3.) I have been waiting for 财神爷 since 26 Nov when i signed on the dotted line for the broadband plan.

4.) It is now 17 days and counting i.e. 5 days out of the said down time interval of 7 to 12 days (presumably max)

5.) I have the impression that Singtel is the party responsible for rectifying the fault.

6.) I am not the only affected customer.

Conclusion of said phone conversation:

a.) Adrian will be following up for me personally.

b.) Adrian will get back to me by Tues 15 Dec

c.) In the event that broadband service is not up by 15 Dec, a broadband service ready (activated) modem will be passed to me, presumably as a stop gap measure.

d.) A month's bill waiver is in the pipeline.

Possible route of action that i could take?

a.) Send an email to M1 and capture key info of excerpts (correspondence between M1 and Singtel) and then forward the whole banshee to IDA.

b.) Wake those boozos at Singtel.

~to be continued

dammit

2009-12-11T14:56:00.001+08:00

FUCK the iPhone like totally! Thanks to all those goons who are calling M1 incessantly for their iPhone shit, i can't even get through M1 to ask about my genuine problem.

HELLO NITWITS. REFER TO THE EMAILER THAT M1 SENT YOU. IF YOU GOT A DAMN Q NUMBER, JUST BLOODY WAIT FOR YOUR FUCK PHONE.

Troubles

2009-12-10T14:42:00.003+08:00

In Grammar we have dealt with nouns and specifically the categorisation of nouns as tangible and non-tangible ones. And we have learnt [the easy and hard way(s)] how an inappropriate manner of handling nouns result in a life sentence in jail. Very well.

I am inclined to believe that patience stands a very good chance of being categorised as being intangible. One therefore endeavours to employ the term in a descriptory manner not unalike electrical switches. Either you are patient or you are not. Perhaps some leeway is present which manifests itself in the form of you being "alittle" patient or being not really that patient. But seriously don't ask me on what patient-o-meter can be utilised for such weird middling situations.

As you might have so learnt, i have taken upon myself to being a maverick and deviate from the beaten path. Why for goodness' sake, i have hop onto the M1 broadband bandwagon. Unknown service track record, non-existent reliability standards and definitely anyone's guess on how the service will turn out to be.

I signed away 2 years of my life being a contractual slave of M1 and have to date, have been resigned (what a wonderful pun) to a wonderful 2 weeks of downtime and counting still. The service provider in this case has had the unfortunate need to rely upon its rival's DSL infrastructure so as to deliver the goods. And yet i have yet to taste or let alone smell nary a single data packet. What a shame.

2 weeks of my life has been in vain... I beseech you, the guardians of Grammar, that patience is to be considered as a tangible noun my excellencies! For i have a fortnight's supply of patience and i am afraid it is soon running out. And may the Almight blast the iPhone. The wretched work of the devil has so nicely interfered with my means to contact M1 customer support (which is in danger of becoming a learned reflex)

*Dial 1627 1 2 4 *Please hold while we connect you to our customer service officers.

And i am so dismayed that a avalanche of calls (purportedly from iPhone zealots) has gotten in my way. Begone you fools!

And M1 and Singtel!, bring me my data packets!

Mod time!

2009-12-06T11:35:00.002+08:00

I chanced upon www.carbonwraps.blogspot.com in my pursuit to find a local supplier/installer of carbon fibre vinyls. Not the hobbyist variant but those who were serious enough to do installation works for cars etc. I contacted him and he (Purvis) is very professional. In my case, he came down to my residence to collect my netbook. A delivery order was issued which dispelled any notions that he was a frilly freelancer. I got back the netbook the very next day LOL. And the most important thing was that i like the white carbon fibre vinyl. It looks really awesome and goes along with the pearlescent white body of the Wind.

Positive attitude and very reliable is my experience with Purvis. And he takes time to explain what you can and shouldn't do with your carbon fibre vinyl wrap.

SITEX 2009

2009-11-27T11:43:00.001+08:00

I remember that i bought my MSI Wind in the previous SITEX. This year i went ahead to sign up for a new broadband plan. No more Starhub for me. I got sick of the shared broadband concept, read crowded access in my residential broadband. Every night without fail, i will scan and manage to detect at least 20 SSIDs out of which 2/3 are of the big fat green pipe. Whatever fat pipe also become chocked with traffic i guess.

Why not join the Reds? No thanks. Well to be honest i had no major problems when i was with them initially for their broadband (ADSL). But i am alittle peeved and annoyed with their Mio package. Sure you got many things for the price but nah. I just need a good fixed broadband.

In the meanwhile, i was contemplating on the decision to acquire a mobile broadband solution. A postpaid one was unsavoury but the prepaid alternative was plain dumb in my opinion. You accrue monetary values into your account which then unlocks the plan. Sounds reasonable. However the timing goes by the clock not by duration of usage. In other words, you pay to unlock 3 days worth of usage and not 72 hours of actual usage. Whoever stays up 72 hours in a stretch to fully utilise the internet?? Are you a server? If you are maybe you would but i am not. Bummer

On another note, my mummy was talking about getting a netbook for my sis in Korea. Sure she has a notebook, a Toshiba Satellite M300 but it is almost like a desktop replacement which means that it is virtually a PiTA to lug around. Probably a netbook will come in handy. For those of you thinking of a Macbook Air, i think you either are a badge whore or have too much money to burn.

So yala i chanced upon this broadband advert in HWZ and thought the pricing was excellent and went well with my intentions.

Hmmm so if you have followed what i wrote, you will understand that i am referring to the home broadband @ 8Mbps + mobile broadband @ 1Mbps which was going at $58.01/ month.

Sweet!

Oh i drove to SITEX and found a more reasonably priced carpark @ IBM which charges by the minute and is rated at $0.50/ half hour which is essentially the same rate as HDB carparks. Well anything is better than the puny carpark which charges exorbitant rates in Expo.

I bought a keyboard protector for my Wind too but i wonder whether it was expensive at $14. Hmmmm.

Almost forgot, just some background info. Apparently m1 is a reseller of bandwidth. It buys bandwidth in bulk (and cheaply obviously) froom both Singnet and Starhub. If you are going for the 8Mbps or anything lower than that, you are essentially going for an ADSL solution i.e. Singnet. Heavier plans utilises Starhub cable network.

Bored

2009-11-20T14:04:00.002+08:00

Should i convert my MSI Wind to dualboot or even tripleboot? That is, (XP Home/Snow Leopard) or (XP Home/Snow Leopard/ Win 7).

If this is to be done, a wifi card swap out is mandated. Probably the Dell 1510 or 1505. I mull this move.

Optimise your WLAN

2009-11-18T21:45:00.003+08:00

I am sure most people have a router at home to serve as a gateway as well as to divide bandwidth. Furthermore, with the dwindling costs associated with owning a notebook, it is not uncommon for more than one user to be actively surfing the Web at home. That being said, here are some points to adhere to to ensure a fuss free and decent net surfing experience everytime.

1.) Ensure that your router and your wireless adaptor has LoS (line of sight) if you can help it.

A physical line of sight is imperative to obtaining good connectivity

2.) Configure your router to broadcast at channel 11.

Most routers are configured to broadcast at channel 6 by default thus by the rule of majority, it is most likely that the bulk of the routers in active usage will be left unaltered in channel 6.

3.) Enable MAC (media access control) filtering and set it to allow only workstations in the list to connect to the WLAN.

4.) Secure your WLAN by using WPA2 (wireless protected access version 2.0)

5.) Monitor the connectivity reported by Windows's Wireless Zero utility. If it consistently reports low connectivity and low throughput e.g. 24Mbps or even 1Mbps, it is a sign that you should try switching channel to optimise your signal.

6.) Update your router's firmware and download the latest drivers released by your manufacturer whenever possible.

My groundbreaking work

2009-11-18T12:52:00.000+08:00

MSI Wind

2009-11-16T20:16:00.001+08:00

I bought this pearlescent white beauty off SITEX last Sept which makes it slightly than a year old. Then on, i have made quite a few tweaks here and then, To rattle off slightly on the software aspect,

1. i have skinned the native XP Home OS to look like OSX 1.4.11 (normal human speak, Tiger)
2. Ran Services.msc to kill useless system and program processes for all of eternity (DISABLED)
3. Uninstalled all bloatware that shipped with my computer,
4. Mucked around in Bootlog.bat to make the puny Intel Atom to chug at max throttle during bootup and removed the option to display multiboot options (i am not running multiple partitions with standalone OS so for fish i keep this option enabled?)
5. Installed Ramback in FF and tweaked in About:config to reduce memory usage when minimised and throttle memory usage in FF.
6. Installed FreeRAM XP Pro to counter memory leakage
7. Keep all drivers and firmware updated asap.
8. Enabled one touch overclocking. Basically i jacked up the FSB of the Atom by 15% which makes it running at roughly 620MHz. Also the operating frequency of the Atom has been raised to a new ceiling of 1.84GHz. This has enabled the N270 to achieve performance which is comparable to its newer sibling the N280.

Two things however that count among the grouses i have is the tinny sounds the netbook's bundled speakers produce. They are crappy like some neolithic tin can noise. Ewww, the crackling static jarrs on my ears like chalk scraping the side of a black chalkboard. Get that?

The other grouse is the touchpad. Okay, they are pretty decent. But i am pretty cheesed that MSI chose to bundle the cheapo Sentelic touchpad instead of the more standard Synaptic touchpad. Because Synaptic patented the invention of drag to scroll on the sides of the touchpad, Sentelic had to make do with tap to scroll. A perfect recipe for disaster. Add a dumb driver which isn't written to adequately differentiate an user's intent to click or to scroll, the result is spectacular. In the beginning, i found the cursor as searchable as the Snitch. Perfect cure for boredom... As a result,
i had to disable tap to click which effectively kill tap to click as well. Bummer

Solutions!

thanks to fellow users of the Wind, i think it is possible to ship in by mail a replacement Synaptic touchpad that costs around USD12. While i am contemplating the feasibility and rationale of this move, i decided to act on the tin cans.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_enclosure
Basically the speaker cones that shipped with the Wind lacked proper enclosures. Enclosures are like boxy structures which house the cones so that out of phase sound waves can be absorbed by the enclosure material rather than interfere destructively. When you interfere
destructively, you cause a dramatic decrease in speaker power i.e. broadcast strength. Also, lotsa nasty sounds ensue which annoy you to no end. Hence i created my own enclosures to resolve the problem for good.

A little less conversation, a little more action please.

The tools i used:
1. Bit saw
2. Teflon tape
3. Philips screwdriver
4. Cloth tape

I removed all nine screws and then i realised that i didn't have to shift away the Ralink RT2700E
Wireless Card. Whew!

You can see the WD 160GB Scorpio HDD very clearly. Btw, it is possible to enable AHCI mode for your SATA HDD. You can also spot the 1GB RAM module with the blue stick somewhere in centre. The i945GV chipset which requires no heatsink and of course the farnee exhaust fan at the top right hand corner.

This is the original housing where the speaker cone sat i.e. the right one. As you can observe, there is hardly any resemblance of an enclosure hence the tin can noises. I used the caps of spray nozzles as my enclosures. I took both from body shop hair serum bottles and i had helluva time sawing the bottle caps till they came down to roughly 0.35" to 0.22" in height. I ran the teflon tape around the circumference of the cones so they will sit snugly in their new homes. The results were quite mindblowing in my opinion.

You can spot the two new speakers, snugly housed in their enclosures at the bottom left and right corners respectively. The whitish inserts are the coils of teflon tapes which i used to wrap around the cones so they can sit in the enclosures as tight as possible. This is very important because you would want the enclosures to be as air tight as possible. If not the point of having airtight enclosures will be defeated. Below are two pictures of the two enclosures up close and personal.

The left speaker/enclosure

The right speaker/enclosure

Overall i rate the mod a success, 7 out of 10. The bass has improved by leaps and bounds considering that it was non-existent in stock condition :/ Also treble has improved, resulting in a richer and fuller sound. Certainly more pleasing if you ask me. Loudness has also been jacked up by a factor of i reckon 4 times. I can now hear iTunes play in the kitchen whereas it was near to being inaudible in the living room. Furthermore, crackling noises are almost eliminated at normal hearing ranges. :D

First use of PS!

2009-11-14T17:49:00.002+08:00

HAHA! i finally made use of my Photoshop to do something REALLY useful. I made my first PNG icon for Objectdock. Here is a printscreen. :D

A very big deal okay

2009-10-27T00:04:00.002+08:00

I still remember a very long time ago, i mentioned that there was no point visiting northpoint. The pun was the point. I mean northpoint is a joke, what do you do with an 矮冬瓜 as a mall? Grumble and make grouses about it. Yes.... and so Yishuners put up with the shoebox shopping centre for more than 10 years~~~

Then fast forward to last year i.e. 2008. Northpoint started to undergo expansion cum facelift in phases. I must say this process was very agonising. For one thing, Cold Storage shifted out and with the anchor tenant gone, northpoint became ghostpoint. Except that you might have problems finding ghosts there i think.

It hit me very hard because i loathed getting grocery from NTUC which is perennially stuffed with people. And the aisle is wide enough for radio control kit cars.

Fair Prizeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I must offer my compliments to the team that was involved in the expansion project. It is certainly not as easy as adding more rooms to your pet's house in Pet Society. The most amazing thing was how it felt like northpoint gained acres and acres of shop floor. Corridors seem never ending and the monotony of straight aisles were ridden in favour of concealed bends. It is certainly easier building a large mall outright from the foundation stone up. Therefore you guys are good! And also, the team coordinating the renovating process. Trying to do in stages and yet having to maintain some sort of limited functionality wasn't easy as well.

Well i certainly fancied the idea of coming back every few weeks and spot a new wing being opened. And the best part of the delight? To be literally amazed at the tenants that Frasers has managed to secure. I am really starting to like it alot. It has got Seoul Garden now, Starbucks is back (but damn you for rationing power), Breeks Cafe, Manhattan Fish Market, a library, Xin Wang (I am going to be honoured as lifelong member soon), Sakae Sushi and guess what? Party World is coming! Can you exclaim WOW? Yes!

I also spotted a water themed playground on the open rooftop while i was waiting for the train across the road. Fantastic.

To those people who stay in woodlands. you all don't haolian okay. now we got northpoint liao~
Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng

Alarm bells are ringing

2009-10-22T18:58:00.002+08:00

I am alittle concerned as i can literally feel my boobs growing. Time to hit the tarmac.

Computer went kaput

2009-10-20T13:40:00.004+08:00

The pride and icon of my IT know-how, my self-assembled desktop, went dead on me on Sunday. To be honest, the fella had been "grumbling" for some coming weeks already. It will randomly cough out a weird beep code on POST which totally eluded my sphere of understanding. A look up at AMI (American Megatrend Inc.) POST beep codes on Google turned up negative as well. (My Bios is AMI hence)

And so there i was, restarting the old geezer repeatedly till i realised that this time, it is for real. Annoyance turned into anal irritation and finally morphed into unspeakable horror.

I COULDN'T FOR A WHALE SHARK'S SAKE, BOOT INTO WINDOWS.

I started to dancing for the computer gods in the hope that the gods will answer my prayer and get the geezer up and going. But oh well, the computer never made it pass the loading screen. My hunch (make that an old one) was that the HDD was going kaput. i never forgot the chagrin i had when i asked for a Seagate HDD during purchase but they gave me a Maxtor manufactured one.

And so course of action no. 1:

I went digging for the XP installation CD and then booted up on CD ROM mode. And then it was welcome to computing hell Mister. Oh i so hate computing in the DOS environment when everything is so cold. Black background, white text, no mouse support etc etc In addition the computer frequently swears at you using illegible error codes. To top it off, it throws in a vulgarity or two courtesy of the motherboard speaker.

*beep beep beep!!

So okay, then i tried running chkdsk. The computer had the decency to sarcastically inform me that oh... the hard disk seem okay. Then upon running chkdsk using the p switch reveals one or 2 unrecoverable errors. Worrying.

Response no. 1:

I thought perhaps the HDD's MBR (Master Boot Record) and Boot Sector was gone thus i ran fixmbr and fixboot. i happily typed exit to exit the damn console and then exasperatedly receive yet another failed boot. $#^&%&*^&*^(*^

So i checked myself into hell again and then ran chkdsk with the r switch. Because i realised with a big OOHH that chkdsk with the p switch only locates bad sectors, recover the data in them but pretty much leave the damn bad sector to its demise. Very helpful.

Yup. So it was chkdsk /r. i spent an eternity watching the progress of the process inching towards 100%. At some points in time, i was alarmed to see the progress actually regress. I thought it was Windows's idea of saying HAHAHAHA. But finally chkdsk did went into completion. I realised that watching grass grow is much more exciting.

AGAIN. i left the console and realised uh oh, XP still wouldn't load. At this point in time, i thought that maybe the HDD is doomed and reformatting is in the works. So i cleverly went to hook up the 320GB fella to my sister's computer and hey presto! Data is accessible :D I was thankful i did too. Transferring 60GB of data HDD to HDD using other means other than SATA 2 is no joke. Still it took 2 hours of my life. Hey but i made myself tea and i studied during that period too. Productive with a capital P :D

And then in the meantime, i kicked myself in the butt like 5 times. Make that 4. For failing to make a slipstreamed copy of XP SP3. However, i still had the common sense to download SP3 chock a block, ready to chuck it into XP when the fresh installation was done.

And then yada yada, i busied myself readying the installation followed by the installation of the various hardware onboard. AND THEN I REALISED SOMETHING was wrong with my screen. Choppy screen, white box on cursor. BAD real bad... Something told me that my X1950Pro was about to make its final journey to the recycle bin. I googled the weird beep code that had plagued for so many months and realised with a yelp of pain (on behalf of my wallet) that indeed the big guy was about to hit the sack with an air of finality.

What to do? A man's got to do what he's got to do. Get another video card. I got myself a MSI HD4670 1GB GDDR3 clocked at 400Mhz from Fuwell, my favourite SLS dealer. Bla bla bla then it was time for the Change of Command parade from the venerable X1950Pro to HD4670. I was quite pleasantly surprised to find that this new kid needed no molex power connector. Cool!

This means power savings for me. Good for me. Good for Mother Earth. And the cooling fan for the new video card was waaaaaaay quieter than the old one. I remember when i just bought my assembled system then, my mum was in the room and she thought it was raining outside. It turns out to be the fan of the X1950Pro churning merrily for all it's worth.

Installation done but unbeknownst to me, i was set to enter hell once again. I continued with readying my computer by installing the different drivers and then IT CAME. The computer just yanked the carpet under me by restarting spontaneously. I was pretty Gibbs energy wasn't negative, change in Entropy wasn't positive and change in Enthalpy wasn't negative. So whats that show of spontaneity man?

Initially i dismissed the first few episodes as random bouts of fit which computers throw on a purple moon. But after the 9999999th time, i decided that hey, they didn't use the purple moon analogously for no rhyme and reason you know. Lucky for me and (my wallet on hindsight) that i caught sight of a blue flash briefly when the system stalled and reboots. Something told me it was BSOD!!

Okay to confirm that, i went to adjust properties to disable automatic restarts on occurences of fatal system errors. TRUE ENOUGH and as blue as can be was the BSOD. And all the error did tell me was that it was a 0x.....50a error along with the error description of "page_fault_in_nonpaged_area".

Holy moo moo! i shrank 3 shirt sizes when i saw that. It was a clear indication of error. The prospect of me having to part with more cash for say a faulty PSU or maybe motherboard was unpalatable to say the least. Generally when you get this error, one can go celebrate. Because the cause can be anything from hardware failure (which you have to determine), unsigned drivers, unruly drivers which abuse their kernel mode rights, erratic HDD, virus infestation and poorly fitted hardware etc. HAHAS in a nutshell, ANYTHING.

It feels like playing Russian Roulette during the troubleshooting process. i reseated the RAM and the video card like perhaps 300 times. Because the system regularly restarts in an interval of say 10 minutes upon successful login, i was essentially fighting against time as i ran virus scans to determine whether my computer had the swine flu or not. And then lucky me, i encountered another BSOD which revealed the offending entity. It turns out to be the version 4.0 driver for my Linksys USB wireless adaptor WUSB54G. Good thing i had a backup Linksys PCI wireless adaptor. I was thankful that i needn't go through the entire troubleshooting cycle. Still troubleshooting and resolution took 2 days 1 night. PITA. period

a salvador dali moment

2009-06-16T18:30:00.003+08:00

Everyone has his or her pensive moments at time. The most recent one in my memory struck me an hour earlier. Interestingly, it came while i was on the bus, trundling down the gold-laced asphalt. Gazing at the sky always makes me feel small. Not that it sent me down memory lane though. The state of transfixation puts me back in my rightful place in the bigger Order of things. A very humbling experience indeed.

But somehow today, this put-me-down was shrouded me in greater mysticism than usual. I profess to be an adherent of the Romanticism artistic movement. I like to and in fact, relish in deriving aesthetic experiences from strong surges of emotions.

And there I was, my subconscious suddenly delirious with strong impulses. I doubt i could ever narrate let alone pen down these thoughts in completeness. Nevertheless, the closest my conscious could muster, a crippled wreck limping in desperation after its subconscious brethren, was that i suddenly felt that my life was a ball of sensory experiences and primal impulses ensconced in a chest.

A receptacle weightless and dimensions, lack-of. How can one claim to comprehend when he knows not? This thing here that contains all that's my life, has been anything but stationary. It wanders not in the physical realm but from a space in time to another. It navigates and traverses with a life of its own. I am but a mere passenger in transit. Or so i choose to humbly believe. Is it you that is here in warm flesh and blood in my life or are thou nought but a figment of my imagination and sensory perception? Dare I say that I was making use of this box as a conduit? All along I have been doomed to stick to this journey, for better or for worse, never mind my willingness or lack of.

I know not of the extent of my journey from my steps that I take. I know not of the end that seemingly beckons. Is that the last corner or are there many more yet to be?

Job seeking woes

2009-05-14T10:10:00.004+08:00

It is such a pain trying to find a job now. Well it has always been a pain all this while but the current economic slump has just thrown a spanner in the works. For as far as I am concerned, i have been regularly working since i commenced my tertiary education, hunkering down for summer jobs whenever holidays hit me. Working when my peers are often dropping a gear or two, having a siesta of sorts. Not that i minded it actually. I do find the thought of transforming into a couch potato rather revolting though hence i rather subject myself to the grind of resume spamming and job seeking each time semester breaks arrive.

Now people who are familiar with finding jobs on a temporary basis or working part time would have long known that it is the norm to be paid by the hour. Sadly, modern Singapore lacks the implementation of a minimum wage law, a situation which i interpret loosely as easy grounds for employers to exploit employees. I am sure you know what is my opinion of the Singapore labour market now. First World living standards, Third World wages. What a joke, hahaha. I have friends who are easily earning 20 bucks/quids by the hour and they were nearly tearing their ears off in exasperation when i told them that i was harvesting dollars, 6 or 8 (if i was lucky) by the hour for my job assignment.

If the remuneration is that absymal, why do i still bother looking then? Frankly, it is more of a matter of choice rather than necessity. But i have always prided myself on having worked in a variety of job assignments in some of the most far flung places in Singapore. This is something which many of my still school going peers cannot compare. I learn more than my remuneration expect you to believe. Money wise, tuition is almost always a better deal so a temporary job is simply supplementary. More paramount is my concern that i should remain productive even in holidays. I believe that a person need a sense of purpose in life all the time, even in holidays.

Lets take a look at the job assignments that i have undertaken since i left Army.

I have worked as a Customer Service Officer in Sim Lim Square, taking care of RMA matters. The second one that followed up is the position of HR Assistant which was in no man's land, Loyang. These 2 jobs were done in the period preceding my departure from the Army while University was pending. Then my first winter holiday job was as a Mailroom operative in Shenton Way. The following summer holidays, i cameo-ed as a Adminstrative executive in dingy Pulau Bukom. This job assignment had the dubious need for me to train, walk and take a ferry just to get to work and vice versa.

My most recent winter holiday assignment involved me working as a Chauffeur which was quite fun. I nearly did forget to mention that all these while, i have been working as a tuition teacher and also moonlighting as a service staff in a coffeehouse. Of the latter, I never did expect it but i ended up working there for nearly 2 years. Working in the F&B industry was something i never thought i would have done in the past but after this stint, my outlook in life and perspectives took a radical change, shaping to what is me today.

Well well... But i did most enjoy being a tuition teacher thus far. I am most certainly opposed to considering a career in teaching but I do like tutoring. It forces me to refine my thinking process, condense my thoughts and be quick in thinking. I have almost certainly been shaped by the course of working a tutor to better sharpen my speaking skills. All those twisting and turnings and verbal joustings is becoming familiar fair grounds, something i oddly recount as being relishing. I somewhat have always been patronising in speaking particularly, prone to going at lengths in my elaboration and whats not. Indeed some have described me as a lawyer or a tuition teacher in their oratorical encounters with me. Amusing.

Now, if you happen to be in HR and you are kind enough to offer me a summer job or something, do drop me an email at happily1986@hotmail.com. Thanks a million! :)

Random musings

2009-04-26T10:55:00.001+08:00

What does the word perfect means to you? I asked many people and they painted a canvas of romantic ideals, a pantheon of dreams. Everything that is to be perfect has to be flawless, without a single inch of crease and the likes. And comes to mind the fastidious perfectionist. But really what good is a word here if it is describing an utopian dimension? Something which i know very well that will never come out in the flesh.

Perfection is the mere manifestation of the mind's stirring. We create images of perfection in the exact likeness of our mind's yearnings. When you say, " Oh God, you are really my dream _____ (fill in the gender)", it is very disturbing to me. You've probably created a faceless apparition in the the likeness of your ideals, embodying all that you seem to adore and eschewing all that you abhor, a very long time ago. Well at least long before you met him/her.

That audacious statement you made earlier is tantamount to saying that the individual you met is an exact description. I don't buy that. One thing is for certain. Surely when you as an artisan, laboured through countless amorous counters to fashion out an idol embodying all that you think is ideal, i don't expect that you will be inclined to add weaknesses to that idol and declare "Ahhh, that will give it character indeed!" Indeed, no one does that. The person of your dreams resides in the world of fantasy where anything goes. It is rooted by fallacy, irrationality and thus will never see the light of reality. Under the harshness of reality, it will brown and eventually blacken into a heap of nothingness.

But back to the person you so attest to be the living incarnation of your dreams. I don't suppose this individual is one that is devoid of the slightest of weaknesses, is he/her? So what is happening here? Basically you have got an illusory person dwelling in your dreams and a person who you met in the real world. Both of them are as identical as the sun is to the moon. And yet you are saying that they are basically the same??

Hmmm... actually what happened is that you have insidiously shifted the "goalposts" i.e. you have tweaked the embodiment of your dream person so that now, both the person you know and the person dwelling in your dreams is the same. The truth is that you already knew that there are nuances between the two. What the person of your dreams really represents, is your set of expectations and now you have revised them accordingly in order to readjust to reality. But what good is it to do a tweak silently and still doggedly trumpet your "discovery", your disovery of your dream person? Defeatist.

What do you see?

2009-04-24T00:11:00.003+08:00

Do you see a thicket of leaves obscuring your view?

And presumably a soul that is weighed down by countless obstacles, daunting and draining.

Or do you choose to see a speck of light, a ray of hope coming forth, never mind the the shroud of greenery. They are just distractions.

Am i seeing an individual here who is dogged enough to see through the wretchedly entanglement of "brambles" in your everyday life? Someone who is so supremely optimistic perhaps. God damn those realists gnarling at your feet. Alarming indeed.

Who are you really?

To you Correctives

2009-04-20T00:08:00.006+08:00

When you open a Pandora's Box, do you try whatever you can to stuff the whole mess back in again? Which comes to mean that you are returning affairs to a previous slate. I see Correctives among you nodding your head. Not quite folks. Not quite.

What is a Pandora's Box to you? Lest this develop into a full fledged theological debate, let us try to make a discourse by defining our scope of discussion. This way, we can better direct our constructive energies and see fruition in the manifestation of valuable takeaways.

A Pandora's Box basically is a receptacle that holds plenty of horrid things that haven't seen the light of day. However the Pandora's Box is plainly out there for all to see.

So now back to the question i set foremost (which seems antediluvian now).

It is either you are a Corrective i.e. you are in favour of analogously, restoring the balance to the tipped scale. Pardon me for drawing you away to an analogy when we were already at one, i am sure your intellectual wits would have you with me still. In any case, if you are that thick I don't suppose you should be lingering around at this length. You should be snoring away in apparent boredom at the whole affair!

If you aren't a Corrective, then in my opinion you should be a Mediator. Now, at this point in time, i would like to stress (unduly no doubt) that i have constricted the realm of possibilities in terms of one can possibly construe (in opinion) to two discrete values. No continuum here. No spectrum. No greys to make things a little less complex. A Mediator does not see merit in restoring balance. He is not keen to return the system to a state before a calamitous event for one good reason. That the calamitous event occured, there must exist an element or two present in the system inherently which induce the calamitous change, so as to speak. To return the system to where it was originally by doing a plain "System Restore", that is being thick. What good is that? Nought.

If you open the Pandora's Box, jolly well do something about the mess you have created. Packing it all back makes no sense. Especially when the mess here refers to really dangerous stuff. Are we really that pleased to stuff those dangerous stuff back where there exist yet another potential possibility of someone else coming along and innocuously opening the Box? I don't suppose so. Clean it up!

If you have dust beneath a carpet and you have been dull in the mind to know that, when it does finally dawn on you, shouldn't it be the case where you ought to sweep it up and dispose the dust for good? Sweeping the dust back to the carpet. What good is that? It simply smacks of a desire to be disengaged with chores, smacks of a "can't be bothered" attitude.

The worst thing of all, is that you are being defeatist and cowardly. When you have a problem, solve it head on instead of trying to throw it back to where it rightfully belongs (or so you think) And so, here arise another facet of the possible mentality borne possibly by someone who is in conflict with a Mediator. He is in self denial. The Pandora's Box is plain to see for all, a banshee of trouble and he chooses to walk by and worse of all, put it all back there and pretend nothing has ever happened.

Inexonerable.

on loop

2009-04-02T15:30:00.001+08:00

till the time when i am able to listen to this song and feel nothing.
till that day.

i have alienated the world or has the world abandoned me?

2009-04-01T16:49:00.004+08:00

Sometimes it is hard to come to terms with the actuality of my life. I am lost on the irony of the proverbial moment. It is not hard to understand why. I am always surrounded by people. In school, the lecture theatre, the corridors... at home...on the bus...everywhere. But yet, i just can't relate to my surroundings. It is as if i am cocooned in a visible ether that shuts me off socially from everyone else. i say things to you, make a smile and a joke here and there but ironically i feel shut off. I just can't relate to this world that i find increasingly foreign. In a place teeming with crowds, i feel an acute sense of loneliness and isolation.

I see travesty at every corner. I spot hedonism on the glacial creep by the moment. I feel the decay setting in on the old order of this very world i am in. And as i try to make sense of this whole fracas, it is perhaps with ignominy that the corrupt world is now coercing me to comply with its new distorted vision of the new order. My moral compass is spinning with rage, an obvious rejection of this nonsense.

But still i am trying to find my own piece of the blue sky, my very own space...perhaps a world that only we both know.

2009-03-30T14:24:00.000+08:00

every night i will be there.

i promise

a song i am learning now

2009-03-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

My acne medication

2009-03-24T13:55:00.004+08:00

1. Azelaic Acid (takes a month to see its effects)
2. Bactrim
3. Tretinoin (takes about 2 months to see its effects)
4. Isotreinoin (takes about a month to see its effects)

okay i will be patient while i ride out the worsening tide.

however i am feeling the onset of depression engulfing me. I am aware that taking nimigen (generic form of Roaccutane) has an side effect of depression.

dammit! i want clear skin! >:<

maybe i should speak to the dermatologist on increasing the dosage of nimigen and putting me on a course of benzoyl peroxide to stub out those nasty closed comedones.

2009-03-01T21:48:00.002+08:00

i have avoided crabs for nearly a year
i have steered clear of shellfish for nearly a year
i have pumped shell for nearly a year (HAHA)
i have kept a wide berth from crayfish for nearly a year
i have abstained from chocolates for nearly 2 years
i have shunned peanuts for 1 year
i have condemned prawns and sotongs for nearly 6 months

i might as well photosynthesize.

12:07AM

2009-03-01T00:04:00.002+08:00

I switch off my iTunes. I keep up a keen ear and listened. The gentle sloshing that results from a car traversing a rain slick tarmac is all too therapeutic.

I take in a deep breath.

The result is a cacophony of odd smells altogether. I smell the salty sea. I think i catch a whiff of distant indian incense. Down below from dear neighbour, the stale smell of burn out tobacco join in for a threesome. But i smell something else, perhaps most overwhelming of them all, de frangrance le mystere. So alluring, it beckons to me.

Where does it come from? I wonder.

The coldness of the window frame stings. It tempers my desire so. But where? Still i am keen to enquire, my inquisitiveness not the least bothered. Someone is whistling to the tune of Sorry seems to be the hardest word. What an apt accompaniment to the surreal night.

Adieu, good night to the world.

TMD

2009-02-28T21:24:00.003+08:00

Dear Neighbour who stays below me,

I know you have a fetish for cheese bun with extra pungent cheese but would you mind not smoking at the window every night? I couldn't give a damn less if you had to smoke in a zip-lock bag or something but that would spare me the agony of having my room smell like a Havana cigar palor.

Thank you very much,
Sibeh sian 1/2 dear neighbour of yours truly

P.S. I cant buy you cheese bun with extra cheese but i can treat you to cheese fries if you dont mind :)

was it truly a case of a misadventure?

2009-02-28T16:46:00.002+08:00

I cant help but feel that maybe it is. It sure didn't feel like it in the first place. I call it the engine braking effect. Somehow you feel the retarding force slowing you down more and even more as time progresses. Things become more awkward, situations rear their ugly faces whatever you call it. Maybe it is time to pack up and bid au revoir.

2009-02-27T00:31:00.003+08:00

I dont think i am a very enthusiastic person nowadays. It isn't very often that i actually get to the stage where i launch the enterprise itself. Much of these remain mothballed at the conceptual stage. Perhaps it is a lack of intellectual know-how, maybe it is due to my half-heartedness I dont have a clue really. This very blog could serve as a prime example. If you ever have an opportunity to delve into my list of posts, you could easily see that there are many posts destined never to see the light of the day, shelved as drafts.

So you now know that it rather difficult for i contemplate and deliberate quite a bit before an enterprise of mine is launched. Then, there are matters to contend once the initiative is afloat. If i am lucky, all it takes is some input from my side and the thing is pretty much working on its own, autonomous. I don't like nitty gritty details but that is not to say, that i mind plumbing the murky depths of things to find out what goes wrong for instance. I dont. Being a macro manager is more like my kind of style rather than being a micro granny, sticking my wiry arms into every area.

What if Lady Luck wasn't smiling on me that day? Then i suppose inertia sets in and eventually the whole thing fizzles out. It may seem like a straightforward thing to try to resuscitate it if necessary. I used to think so. It was unintendedly a display of my determination. Intentionally, it was to prove a point. Maybe that's a glimpse of my competitive side.

But now i guess things are a bit more complex now. I dont really see the point of having to prove a point all the time. Maybe when it really does matters, when things are stake are crucial, then i will. If not, i think it is time to take a backseat and switch to a lower gear for a more relaxed drive. I doubt i will be able to tame the beast in me but i guess it will grow old with time.

Insight in the life of a stick stuck in the mud

2009-02-26T17:38:00.004+08:00

In life, as a person we ought to have morals. It serve as a intrinsic compass of sorts if you would like. Perhaps on a clear day with obfuscation out of the way, a compass might be thrown away out of lack of necessity. However there are days when we are heady, consumed with uncertainty and bogged down by dilemmas. It is during such times when you take out the good 'ol compass and this is when it really shines.

Morals as guiding principles, so as to speak, i suppose you wouldn't fancy them as shifting sands would you? More of rigid values that help you to stabilise things abit and allow you to define the paradigm of whatever problems you are dealing with. Conceptually this idea is sound, isn't it? You are confused and this is much like an idiot-proof way to get yourself out of sticky situations.

Well i used to champion so. Till God came around and gave me a pointer.

When you entrench yourself too deeply in some random place, you basically have kicked yourself in the butt when you realised that you have to evacuate. I forgot that the world is dynamic. I forgot like a kelong flexing in the wishy washy currents of the sea, one has to learn to be flexible in ever changing circumstances. Else off you go, snap like a stubborn birch in a gale.

As a child i was conditioned to hate smoking. I adduce that this has partly got to do with the fact that i never got to see my maternal grandfather because he passed away due to lung cancer as a result of tobacco. As the days rolled by, my intolerance for smoking built up to such an extent, i effectively became an extremist.

And one fine day, God threw me into a platoon in Army filled with smokers. He cheekily inserted an 2WO Johnson Quek of whom i looked upon as a fatherly figure and to whom i am still deeply indebted. He pops cigarettes like a child would with candies. Am i supposed to loath someone of whom i am indebted to? No. Absolutely not, it is preposterous. I realise that if you are too anal about some things namely principles, it makes it very awkward for you to reconcile with a renewed position.

And thats not all that God did. He sure is a jolly good fella (Hey God i dont mind you throwing me some cash for a change! Throw cash but not just change okay :D) He gave me someone whom i fell deeply in love with and then as it turned out, she was a smoker. I just couldn't say "Off you go, i wouldn't hug a ash tray."

What did transpired later on is that i found myself immersed in a conundrum. On one hand, i thought that inaction on my end would literally mean that i am watching my loved one being sent to their death. See their her life slowly wafting away through the emanating plumes of tobacco smoke couldn't have been a more apt description. And on the other hand, i saw an individual who should have her rights vested onto herself as a matter of personal choice. And action taken on my end who mean that i have infringed on it, an inalienable suffrage to all of humanity. And after much mulling. i decided that inaction is the best approach i can think of.

Life is so dynamic, so fluid that anything can and will happen given a chance to do so. It puts you in wretched conflict. I loved running but the doctors have told me that i ain't suppose to run too long. I like seafood but i have gotten seafood allergy. I like the medical profession but i turned my back on it. Sometimes it seem that i am making my life into a life of irony. I never started out to make irony as the main theme of my life, it just happened.

So whether morals should remain affixed as rigid principles or shifting goalposts, i think i would have to spend some time mulling over that for some time.

kok kok kae

2009-02-25T20:29:00.002+08:00

this was what the rooster said when i asked him why he didn't cross the road.

hohoho

2009-02-25T16:03:00.002+08:00

I donated blood like almost a week ago and now i got a blue black mark as an undying reminder of my chivalry and courage.
A purple heart to me!

you know wad i talking or not?

2009-02-23T00:03:00.001+08:00

i know what i know and hence in a way i know what i dont know. If you ask me something and i don't know about it, i will tell you i dont know. I dont know what i dont know which makes sense cos not knowing means that i am oblivious to its presence in our world so how the heck am i supposed to know that i dont know that bugger information?

however i think that i should know what i dont know cos thats what life is about. try to know as many dontknows in life right? oei you know what i talking about anot? tsk tsk. But i am not sure whether i will be able to master the unknown because getting to know something you don't know is something not easy. who knows really?

As a tuition teacher, i ought to know everything that my student ask. Even when i really don't know, i must pretend and act that i know. Somehow actually i dont know but then along the way, i know that smoking sometimes work. Sometimes i manage to make friends with what i dont know and thus pull of the pretense that i know. The student who dont know anything about the fact that i dont know but act like i dont know, still don't know what is happening.

However, later on i teach her the correct things and then she knows. If i am lucky, very quickly she will know what i am talking about. If Lokki is in a bad mood that day, then i know... it takes quite a long time before she really know what i am talking about and know what she needs to know for the particular student. But generally speaking, i know more than my students do and they do know this and think i know everything under the sun. This is very odd actually right but do you know? I know quite alot of things under the sun but these alot of things dont know me? So sad right? So much for me taking the trouble to know them.

When you are with girls... AHAHAHA. You must really know alot of things. Because generally guys know alot of know-how that girls dont know. But actually it isn't fair you know. This is because the girls do know alot of things and they know this fact for real. However to the guys, what the girls know is useless and they might as well dont know such things if given a choice. And it goes the same for the girls towards the guys regarding what the guys know. They know this know that but does he know about what i want? hrmph! DONT KNOW! aiyoyo HK liao, why this stupid guy dont know sia? Dont know must also act that he know mah!

Despite this being said, sometimes the guy must pretend he know kacang puteh when in fact he know. For example, when it comes to the exercising of options. It is just like elections in Bangalapore. We all know who is going to be elected, then election all pretend dont know anything and go *TOI! the vote ballot to vote. (*YOUR VOTE IS SACRED AND CONFIDENTIAL) YAH... WE KNOW WE KNOW~
Ya back to the exercising of options. So it basically it means that you must know that it is important to let the girl know that you know the importance of allowing her to make a choice. Don't know? kk now limpeh ka ler kong liao, so you know. *Say you know... (Good boy/girl/whatever...) Cos ah wa ka li kong... if you know this and still ngeh ngeh assume you know everything hor... HOR HOR! you will know what will happen to you. What will happen? I dont know? So Misters, you all must know k.

Then as students also one kind in Singapore. Sometimes you sit through the lecture and end up you dont know what the siao eh is talking about. You see the gong kia sitting next to you look like he dont know right? HEH HEH! He KNOW okay! He keep nodding his head. Then sometimes lecturers dont know what they are talking about sometimes cos they are confused momentarily. Okay lah, let us give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they know lah. They know too much things so sometimes they sometimes dont know how to explain in a very simple manner to us idiots who dont know anything. The lecture notes are you know... fantastically youknowwhat luh. Written like you know everything like that. So brief until you think you can find the the teh kor brand on the notes (you know i cracking joke anot? dont know??? kok you till you know!)

Then during exams wah seh HALLEJUJAH! NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO DO except the fucking ah tiongs who know everything under the sun. Normally act like dont know like that. Ask them for help for simple question... dont know! dont know! Dont know my ass lah dont know. Eh scarly they really know my ass sia. kk better dont say cos i scared they know of this post then they do youknowwhat to me. I know i paranoid lah but you know that time Virginia Tech this chinaman think he know
杜辜九剑 then despite knowing he will pay the price with the death penalty, still go and hack off the head of a student!! i think this mofo dont know how to spell death.

Aiya know so much later in life still uplorry. You know nuts also same way uplorry. So what is the difference? Actually you know... the meaning of the difference comes from you. If you know what i mean, you can bring in your own meaning to make the difference distinct so that you know that there is a difference. So actually knowing is still better than not knowing. You better know k.

this world of opposites

2009-02-22T12:07:00.002+08:00

This is strangely or naturally (whichever you like) a world of dichotomy.

Some people travel the whole world over just to savour the finest cuisines on earth. Some however try their very best to throw up whatever they have just eaten.

Some people run their lungs out just to burn meagre amounts of fats. Some eat the bark of trees just to sustain themselves.

Some people are sadists. Some are masochists.

Some people go for plastic surgery just to enhance themselves to make them look better and better. Some turn to self-mutilation.

Some people try their whole lives searching for love. Some turn love away when it comes a knocking.

Some people learn a great deal in school and know nothing about the real world. Some knows nuts about school but know a great deal.

Some people try so bloody hard in you know where to procreate a life. Some are so desperate to get rid of theirs.

Some people spend a lifetime caring for others, trying to rebuild and create better lives for others. Some like fucker bush, destroy lives.

Some people have a hard time drowning whatever sorrows they have in alcohol. Some resent their monotony in life and go about seeking adventures.

Some people cant even make it out of the womb. Some try to end their lives as if they are worth nothing.

Some people cry over the slightest thing. Some laugh for the slightest nonsense.

Some people are so rich they can probably sleep on beds fashioned out of banknotes (or coins if they are masochists). Some cant even afford a meal for a day

Some people live in places where they face the destructive wrath of Mother Nature day in day out. Some however live in places where problems are man made.

Which do you belong to?

Lao nuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2009-02-22T12:00:00.000+08:00

TMD! I FUCKING WANT THIS PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!

yours sociologically ;)

2009-02-22T00:00:00.007+08:00

sometimes life is a very weird thing. Or rather society is a very weird thing. I can't communicate with it. And this is being proclaimed with grand aplomb amidst the backdrop of the wizardry of communication gadgets we now have at our disposals. It really does befuddles me especially when you consider the fact that the society at large really is made of people, by and large, like me, human flesh and bone and all.

I am a social and not a very social person at the same time. I am social in the sense that i experience social withdrawal symptoms (which means that i have problems living a life of a hermit) I have a phobia of being left alone. I wont say that it is chronic but it did stem from a particularly harrowing episode in early childhood. And so i was, a 4 year old boy waiting for school to end in kindergarten. I had the runs and so i went for the loo, without seeking permission. I heard the lot belt out the ditty "Say goodbye to everyone, everyone, everyONE etc etc " so i knew they were getting ready to leave. But my stomach wouldn't agree. So i was stuck in for a long time. And when i finally came out, the usually bright and cheery classroom was transformed into a twisting labyrinth of darkness and dankness. I managed to get to the front door. But this door was shut and locked and i just couldn't yank it open. And all the while i thought i heard Mohmoh stirring somewhere in the darkness. I was crying for mummy. And so it came to pass, that my phobia for being alone was cemented.

I remember vividly in lower secondary school that we have this very unique practice during Arts exam. People can leave after the 2nd hour if they feel like it. It sort of tells me the attitude that the school has towards Art, CMC CMC (can means can, cannot means cannot). Usually i start to have sweaty palms when i get the visual cue of people leaving. The dragging of chairs, the packing of paraphernalia and whatsnot. It disrupts the train of thought and send it into a frenzy.

I am not social in a sense that i cant really relate to the ground thinking of my peers in my cohort. I sometimes randomly think that i am sort of an enigma, someone caught between eras. Whether thats the case or not, i will never know. But i have been labelled weird, sadly. But it was true that my social standing in terms of likability wasn't something i was proud of, be it in primary, secondary or junior college. But i am glad that i have a small core of understanding folks who can take my nonsense time to time. If you are thinking i am reserved, well at certain times i am not. I tend to swing from one extreme end to another for god knows why. Perhaps i have been wired to be like that. you cant actually give an answer for something so fundamentally in you right? well at least i see it this way. I hope you do too.

I wonder if there is ever a proper feedback channel from society regarding self that one can use. If there ever was one already in place since time immemorial, i am sorry. It was just plainly lost on me. It is just like if you ever tried pointing me some random squirrel on a random tree. I probably spend some downtime thinking where on earth is the fellow. And you would probably be quite mad at me. back to the feedback mechanism. I dont want to hide this but all my life i have been fighting to prevail against the negative feelings that arise when i get to know people's opinions about me. I dont take very well to the comments, somewhat hard but all the same, very affected. I have spending alot effort trying to override this thing in me. It is something you can just will it away. I see it as my Achilles's heel as much as everyone pretty much have one too.

The problem that arise when you tend to consider other people's thoughts in earnest is that you have to spend time evaluating the worthiness of those opinions. This is so to prevent the possibility of taking someone's words for real when it is being said off the cuff for example. However evaluation of this kind as good as having a smart guess. Really, your guess is as good as mine and so it takes alot of brainpower processing this bit here. Then the attention shifts to another pain in the butt, evaluating the need to assimilate it. And all the while, i haven't quite forgot that i am capable of sensing feedback from others, body language, tone etc etc. Now when all of these humongous information comes in, it really is a mess to sort especially when opinions clash. Which one should be ranked higher in consideration, which shouldn't be. Sadly, i dont have the computing power of a quadcore processor so sometimes my mind ends up in knots (geek speak: BSOD)

Einstein talked about change being the only constant, i suppose i have no option but to submit. But he was speaking of change in terms of the big picture wasn't he? After all, he was living in an era of rapid change? He probably witnessed the depravity of humanity in the pits of the Great Depression, the ugly face of destruction of the Second World War, the rapid technological transformations that undertook the world subsequently and the social changes that swept the world in its wake.

How about change for a person? If a change was to bring about good, would it be good. I think it would. However if this piece of goodness came at the price of a loss of something else? How are we going to weigh the losses and gains? If you know (which anyway is irrelevant because it is a fact anyway) that changing will de-"unique"-sise you, would you still go ahead? Would you rather be a cookie cut cookie, fair and square as much as others like you to be, or be someone else different? For me i dont see the answer as being easy to see, there are times when i think being different is a good thing while there are others when you would just feel like losing yourself in the crowd. I think you get the drift.

mathematics lives in you

2009-02-21T23:31:00.003+08:00

If my life was to be inscribed in some sort of a mathematical theorem, let it be set henceforth that thee is an independent variable in my life of which the governing function remains unknown. My life shall be a dependent variable that takes on a range of values in a domain, dictated by thee.

"Haolian"

2009-02-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

Someone said i donate blood very "haolian"

Ahahaha

My Philosophy

2009-02-18T21:45:00.002+08:00

Live your life one day at a time
Plan your life one year ahead in advance
Savour your life one sip at a time
Enjoy your life one weekend at a time
Walk your life one step at a time

2009-02-18T13:10:00.002+08:00

I realise that hokkien people are rather violent people. Why do i say this? The reason is that i manage to dig out so many synonyms associated with the verb "beat" in the hokkien dialect.

Now according to my contextual definition, "beat" comes to refer to the physical action of inflicting mechanical damage onto something so if you are going to tell me heartbeat etc, i am going to beat you.

Okay now have a look at the eclectic collection of synonyms i have collated.

mao
pong
hoot
piang
par
sut
kok
sae
bua
long

Well done! Keep the violence going!

Such a bright and sunny day

2009-02-18T12:40:00.007+08:00

I watched my nephew Jovas grow up from a month old baby to pre schooler. I have had the opportunity to observe a little human being, grasp th difficulties of walking. It was ardous in the beginning, lotsa of stumbles, plenty of unexpected jerks and falls not to mention. There was however, lotsa encouragement around. Everytime he took a steady step, there was a raucous cheer, an enraptuous applause...

Taking a small step for a baby was momentous, so hard and so difficult...

How ironic.

I have forgotten how it felt learning how to walk. But thats not the piece of memory which i yearn to reminisce about. It was the "okay, it is alright"s, "don't give up, we are behind you"s that are sorely lacking.

I can now run faster and longer than any precedented point in my life. I do 10km runs routinely in my week and i take them as a cinch now. But what does that means for me? A similar astronomical rise in expectations for myself? Expectations which i have for myself. Expectations which the rest of the world have for me.

When i was expected to walk a few steps and stumble the couple others, i am now expected to take as large, as quick a stride as possible. Run for my life. Nobody expects me to fall down. There isn't an ounce of breathing space left. I have expanded as quick as the paradigm. What if i fall? There is not whatifs.

The truth is that i have fallen and knocked my senses askance. Miserable and disorientated. Am i running in circles? I am not too sure. It sure looks like a pretty sight, a myriad of flashes, an eclectic mix of hedonism and extravagance given to abandon. A kaleidoscope if you would like. The past weaves in freely like birds of paradise and inter mingle with my imaginative future leaving the present a bewildered puddle of a mess. Which is which? it doesn't make sense to differentiate and impose discrete boundaries any longer. The past can repeat itself and perpeptuate itself in the present and beyond into the future. The present is a repeat of the past and a forecast of the future. The future is a murky extrapolation of whats happening now and a mere trendline of the past.

The human is such a fickle concept. What counts as determination? A person who appears to give in readily to demands and yet have the mental strength to push through punishing physical routines where others would have gladly yield? What do we use as a means of judging if everything is relative? Who are we to say that it is right to use a particular thing as a reference measure and not others?

The sad part of life

2009-02-18T01:01:00.001+08:00

"rarely is a person remembered for his past achievements as much as he is being judged for his mistakes."

2009-02-15T22:42:00.002+08:00

Been busy lately. The flabs have been catching up with me no thanks to my infamous ways of finishing off food! It all started with the annoying can of pineapple tarts. I think cny goodies should be banned for the sake of tight bods. ahaha.

Guess i should keep up with my 10km runs and perhaps a swim every now and then to keep my fats under control.

Going Punggol Clinic next week. Hope things are comfortably under way.

My hair sucks. Time to look for andy soon i hope, if i am not lazy enough.

2009-02-14T12:39:00.000+08:00

I wonder what's with me these few days. I wake up having a huge hangover every morning. Geez

2009-02-13T17:40:00.000+08:00

night

2009-02-07T04:12:00.003+08:00

It is the middle of the night but my knee is hurting again and so here i am blogging away. trying to blog my pain away.

The night is a very serene and ethereal period to me. The world comes to a standstill and so does time. Save for the occasional car and bike, everything just grinds to a halt. As i glance out of my window, it seems so plausible to me that the earth could have stopped revolving as well and dawn would not come back.

This thought does not terrify me. I am lost in the exotic charm of the night. There seems to be some mysterious allure associated with the night. I am fascinated and hopeless sunken in this seemingly timeless hour. Maybe it represents a time of reflection, a time to contemplate and indulge in a pensive moment, something which you can't afford to do when you are caught in the hustle and bustle of the day. Everything is just screaming for your attention, there just isn't "me" time for yourself. Perhaps perhaps.

It was during this timeless period where some of my most cherished memories were created and henceforth it shall be this period as well when i can't help but reminisce about them.

2009-02-06T15:49:00.002+08:00

For folks running Windows Vista and XP Professional SP3, take note. This might interest you.

XP Pro:

Recent windows updates have resulted in the appearance of 3 processes namely

1. searchfilterhost.exe

2. searchprotocolhost.exe

3. searchindexer.exe

These three processes are not malware but are part of Windows Indexing facility. Basically it does indexing on your hard disk so that hard disk loadup timings are zippier and webcrawls the web by recognising your usual websurfing patterns.

Sounds like a good idea? Not quite though.

They draw a fair bit of your computing juices making your computer grind because these 2 processes operate on the sidelines all the time! If you happen to be running windows update i.e. wuauclt.exe then hallejujah to you man.

Now here is how you can disable the services for goodness's. Take note that killing the processes in the task manager won't work because they are immortal processes that will regenerate again...and again and again and again till your fingers fall off.

Click start and run.

Type "services.msc"

Under services look for Windows Indexing

Double click and change the startup to be manual rather than default automatic.

Once this is done, kill the service for good by stopping it!

yay!

Some photos

2009-02-06T13:13:00.005+08:00

Hiding in the fridge then!

Butterflies are free to fly, where do they fly away?
Leaving me to carry on and wonder why.
When you knew that I was always at your side

2009-02-04T17:20:00.002+08:00

And i also suspect that i am half a woman. Cos cos cos my weight seems to fluctuate in a rhythm that corresponds weirdly to the lunar cycle!

(fyi, the human menstrual cycle somehow takes cue from the lunar cycle)

Time to exercise vigorously soon!

2009-02-03T18:50:00.001+08:00

I suspect i've got clinical depression. But coming from someone who is a hypochondriac hahahaha!

I don't know man.

世界上最大的白痴竟是...我

2009-02-01T23:21:00.006+08:00

我真的好想你。

你知道吗？

2009-02-01T23:16:00.002+08:00

孤单的我看恋人分手
女的泪流男的沉默
就像我们的痛一条情路偏偏分头去走
每个爱彷佛有些雷同
不是谁犯错爱了又躲相互折磨
巴黎的街灰蒙蒙的夜
担心你此刻是否有人安慰
找间小店喝一杯咖啡
苦不堪言杯里浮现你哭泣的脸
惊动所有爱怜伸手想去挽回
怕一碰心全破碎
越是爱你越想躲你
靠太近就怕否定真心
不问不看不听
逃出温柔也把热情浇熄
越是躲你越想爱你离太远人孤寂
眼底心底都是你却难搂在怀里
孤单的我看恋人分手
女的泪流男的沉默
就像我们的痛一条情路偏偏分头去走
每个爱彷佛有些雷同
不是谁犯错爱了又躲相互折磨
巴黎的街灰蒙蒙的夜
担心你此刻是否有人安慰
找间小店喝一杯咖啡
苦不堪言杯里浮现你哭泣的脸
惊动所有爱怜伸手想去挽回
怕一碰心全破碎
越是爱你越想躲你
靠太近就怕否定真心
不问不看不听
逃出温柔也把热情浇熄
越是躲你越想爱你离太远人孤寂
眼底心底都是你却难搂在怀里
怕爱过火又怕爱不够只好不停的躲
伤了你伤了我是我错
越是爱你越想躲你
靠太近就怕否定真心
不问不看不听
逃出温柔也把热情浇熄
越是躲你越想爱你离太远人孤寂
眼底心底都是你却难搂在怀里

2009-01-26T01:06:00.001+08:00

ZOMGGGGGGGGGG!

Can you see that my pet is basically swamped by the prezzies?? LOL

K歌之王

2009-01-25T11:15:00.002+08:00

Went KTV two days in succession. Was really a blast. I can now safely count on singing as a way of venting out my emotions in a me which is unfortunately, akin to a brimming basin of water. So tempted to go today sia!

2009-01-15T22:33:00.002+08:00

Came in from a rainy Thursday

On the avenue

Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV

And the radio

Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?

Crazy, some are saying

Where is the life that I recognize?

Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday

There's an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence

Once prompted you to say

"Pride will tear us both apart"

Well now pride's gone out the window

Cross the rooftops

Run away

Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?

Crazy, some'd say

Where is my friend when I need you most?

Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday

There's an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside

Tell of suffering and greed

Here today, forgot tomorrow

Ooh, here besides the news

Of holy war and holy need

Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don't cry for yesterday

There's an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Every one

Is my world, I will learn to survive

Any one

Is my world, I will learn to survive

Any one

Is my world

Every one

Is my world

Learning Outcomes

2009-01-13T18:43:00.004+08:00

Sometimes it is useful and important that we condense whatever we have learnt into a series of points so that we can extract the essence from within and become more useful individuals thereafter.

It is okay for me to suffer as long as i ensure that those around don't

It is not okay i realise. Much as i don't like to see people around me suffer, there are some people who don't want to see me suffer as well. If i were to persist with such a thought, it will be unhelpful and inconsiderate.

I endeavour to help as much as I can to relieve as much of the burden

I should consider my own limitations as an individual before I act. Superheroes act the way they do because they have superhuman abilities. I don't and if I do, i end up sinking together with the person i am intending to help which isn't helpful at all.

The key thing is to help within your limit.

A relationship is important in my life

It is important but it is best to consider these...

Whether it is the right time.

Whether it is the right person.

Whether it is of utmost priority in my life.

I think it is okay to place someone at the centre of my universe and plan everything around them.

It is not. When that person leaves, your universe collapses as well. It is not a plug and play thing. I form emotional attachments with the person which lies all around the place and when the person leaves, it is not just the person, those attachments are gone. You live for yourself not at someone's behest.

A rebound relationship

I have garnered valuable insight and experience being at the "gaining" as well as the "losing" end of rebounds. To say this doesn't mean that i have purposely entered relationships for the purpose of such learning experience. No, i categorically turn down such suggestions.

There is a time required to be set aside after the end of a relationship comes for feelings to be packed away neatly and for emotional and historical baggage to be properly stowed away. This is to be fair for the next person that comes knocking in my life. They had nothing to do with my baggage and i should ensure that it remains that way for the entire relationship be it successful or not.

Family and friends

I have learnt that my family and friends are the most valuable things in my life. I have earned alot, lived the high life and yet i have gotten a whole lot emptier. And yet, i have neglected my family and pushed away outings with my friends. I am thankful to learn that they have not gravitated that far from me. Now i am close to penniless, emotionally void and none the wiser. But not all's lost.

Giving in as a solution

I have grappled with the dilemma of whether to deal with a complex problem using conventional means or should i exercise caution in deference of emotional baggage. In the end, i gave in as my wits gave up on me. If giving in was a means of helping, it serves no end. In the end, i harmed more than i helped for giving in meant i was giving the other party the easy way out and denying her the good of learning the hard way.

Verbal abuse

I have now understood what it means to be on the receiving end. Though i am still having difficulties trying to apply what i learnt, i am trying very hard not to be a tongue lasher. The trauma of verbal abuse isn't any better from physical abuse.

Tackling someone else's problem

Someone else's problem is like a book. If i don't understand the contents of a book, i should just put it down and express my inability to help.

Learning to say no

I used to think that saying no to someone else was a very cruel thing indeed. I often thought about the adage "do unto others what you want others do onto you" i certainly do not clamour the feeling of being rejected or being turn away. However there is just one thing. As much as we shouldn't allow our heart do the talking lest we turn irrational, there is no need for us to force ourselves to do things we really don't want to. Learning to say no is an expression of that and as long as there is no outward intent to reject one with glee, saying no shouldn't make us be drenched in guilt.

The short term versus the long term

We have all made shitty decisions from time to time. But let this be a reminder to me that looking for the desperate quick exit may leave a long last repercussion. It is imperative that i think of the long term before i execute a decision.

A long post

2009-01-12T22:06:00.007+08:00

Prologue

I shall make an attempt to document the significant episodes in my life thus far (after the last posting)

The beginning of an new beginning

Like what you have seen in my previous entry (which succinctly sums up this sub post), i tried to make a wholehearted attempt at last, to resolve and clear up whatever nascent trouble in my life.

As i came to a near breaking point, i made myself promise... myself 3 things.

To do just 3 things. Which i did.... It took my significant courage for me to own up to my misdeed. While my mind ran through its prediction of what things might things, reality showed otherwise. My parents made me mist and realised all at once, what a fool i had been.

Two. I though a whole deal about my priorities at this current stage of my life and i came to the realisation that studies should be my main priority and not any other thing or person or ideal. I am just not cut out to handle so many crackling tasks at once. It serves once again as a sound reminder of my limitations as an individual, that i wasn't as outstanding as i thought i would be.

No.... I can't run though fires unscathed and smash into walls unhurt. In short, I'm not superman and i shouldn't despair that i'm not. it is just being human, recognising your own limitations and how best to work around them. It just isn't right for me to keep trying to beat the damn system, trying to prove the whole world, trying to prove a point, trying to prove that i'm just good. it's pointless. Experience has shown me that it is crap and I should just move on with my lessons.

Three. I should quit my term time job which is draining me too much than I would want to admit. Yes it does. But whatever the validity of this and whether this can or can't be disproved isn't an issue to me at all. When a crisis hits, you switch to crisis mode. You drop everything and FOCUS on the issue on hand. That's how things should work in the world of Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs). So like it or not, off goes my job, the extra pocket allowance be damned.

Leaving RTC

In private, however, i quite welcomed the quit. For once it represent a closing of a chapter that was linked to my previous relationship. For a proper closure of the latter, for me to properly move on and focus, it was necessary to mandate that i leave RTC. There were some other minor reasons as well. My face was getting worse and worse and i don't know... just bad. I suppose that the bad ventilation in the kitchen isn't doing any good to my pathetic face. They can go an save costs for all i care. They can start cutting the shifts of part timers for all they like. I am out of the place.

"New Order". I must have sounded like a fanatic communist baying for change. It must have been my most uttered phrase in all of my nearly 2 years there. A mere 1 month holiday stint somehow could extended to such a long stay there. I have watched people come and go. A big fight that culminated in a sacking. Politicking that resulted in a few corporate suicides. I have seen the good and bad sides of people. I have seen myself grew and changed from a cautious and careful worker to a bold and conceited old bird who had heaps of scorn for just about anything.

Nevertheless, my sense of propriety is still intact and i shall now proceed to thank and credit the people of whom i had worked with and shared my good times together...

thank you Alan for training me and teaching me the ropes when i was a greenhorn and new to this staid world of F&B. I never forgot that you forgo the need to send me home one night and instead, you had me holed up at the Rooftop to do some stuff at my leisure. You are a very nice person to work with. I appreciate your effort to let me on a job offer from 1°15 when you left for greener pastures. The times i spent working on Rooftop really make me go nostalgic now. It must be the surreality of memories that makes nostalgia such a mysterious construct.

thank you Edmund for allowing me to realise that working in RTC can be such a helluva of fun. The times we spent singing to the tune of Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word are just undescribable. I guess our wackiness spread to the rest of the kitchen crew somehow. Once i overheard the demi chef, Amby hum the tune softly. hahas what a blast! There were just too many many spontaneous humourous moments there and then.

thank you Azhar for being such a solid runner. When everyone else was saying that you are a half past six worker and all, i didn't buy it. I remember that you treated me with disdain at first. Fortunately you gradually warmed up. You made me understood that to gain a person's respect and confidence, you must respect the person and prove it through your actions and show through your sincerity. I hope things are okay with you and your girlfriend. I was concerned then when you told me that you were on the verge of marriage but i hoped that i helped you make a wiser decision through my counsel. I suppose that you are nearing the end of your polytechnical education at the point in time. I wish you all the best in your FYP bro! the times we spent making wisecrack jokes of Henry, Ah Beng and Tommy were unforgettable.

thank you Michelle for listening to my troubles when we take the train home together. Though we once stayed in the same block, i never once saw you in Yishun which is incredulous. After all, you resided one unit 4 floors above mine. Lol, i suppose God has his plans.

thank you girls namely, wendy, lina, peiqing, jasmine and yuling for those light moments. "Polar bear"... "Hump"..."Go and bang the wall please" i will remember them. lol

thank you ah hua for being such a chummy brudder always. Everytime without fail i will go "ah huaaaaaaaaa~" and you will gamely reply "yessssssssssssssss?" HAHAS. I wish you all the best in your FYP as well.

thank you Eddie for being such an understanding boss. you are very chin chye and understanding. I think it augurs well for your future. i wish you well in your endeavours.

To all the chefs i have worked with.... i have nothing but words of appreciation and gratitude. You have treated me with respect, as an equal when i am a mere part timer. I am thankful to the entire kitchen crew for being with me during those horrid days when the printer just keeps going "zzzz ZZZ zzzz ZZZ". I have certainly picked up pointers other than work wise from you guys. I respect you guys from the bottom of my heart. It is certainly not easy to work and make a living in the kitchen. Respect.

My Face

Here is the complete story once again. I must have heard the familiar question so many times. Eric?!?! What happened to your face? -_-'''

i nevertheless thank you for your care and concern when i know all too well that you could have chosen to shut up and not care a single bit.

6 months ago i ate crabs when we went for a farewell dinner for my sister's sending off in June. That was the start of the trouble. I consulted 2 GPs, one self-proclaimed skin spaysailist (pui!) and a professor at NSC and now i am at Punggol Clinic, consulting Dr Diane Jek Siu Yin.

one of the GPs gave me a steroid cream Dermanol-C 0.1% (Bethamethasone Velerate) which i ended up applying for 2 mths. That caused an adverse reaction because steroids are not supposed to be applied for periods exceeding 5 days at a time. The result was a face full of white heads. But to be fair, my face is a complex situation of eczema rashes with pustules/nodules/comedones which was difficult to treat. Then the spaysailist!!! proceeded to ruin my face by using an acid wash on my face which saw it weeping from dusk to dawn.

T.T

I have seen her for the second time now (today was the second consultation). I guess for now i shall just leave my face in her trust and see how it goes.

2009

2009-01-02T13:12:00.002+08:00

It's time for me to stop running away. I will try to use the beginning of 2009 to wrap up the lingering problems of 2008.

Kiss Goodbye

2008-12-31T23:36:00.002+08:00

The tears still fell but i don't know why.

2008-12-20T00:21:00.002+08:00

戲終

2008-12-18T11:51:00.002+08:00

Before

After

Look at how hardworking huiyi's moni is! So neat! hahas! no need money somemore, just pat it and hug it every now and then!

2008-12-18T11:27:00.002+08:00

有一点暗淡

有一点郁闷

有一点无奈

有一点失落

有一点沮丧

有一点懦弱

有一点情不自禁

有一点不知为何

有一点不知所措

有一点憎恨自己

十分的对不起你

2008-12-15T18:02:00.001+08:00

damn. i really don't know what i want.

will this fall on deaf ears yet again?

2008-12-15T14:55:00.004+08:00

To you, I have said my piece. It is up to you whether you listen or you persist.

to the other you...

I never wanted to prejudge you or make any false assumptions about you. Simply because, I don't know you well enough. If your yearning for a relationship, an attachment is so strong such that it overwhelms your ability to see that she is simply a lost child right now, I feel sad for you.

你得到了她的身躯，你得到了她的心吗？

She is 17, you are 22. There is no excuse for you to claim you're none the wiser.

For all those things that you've did to her;

Let me pose you just one thing.

How would you feel as a brother, if you see a man doing those sorts of things to your very own younger sister?

pondering

2008-12-12T22:50:00.003+08:00

I came across this through my surfing.

Men try to have good conversations in order to have good sex. Women try to have good sex in order to have good conversations.

Are men really such despicable creatures? We judge women largely from the viewpoint of sex?

What a shame.

what a wonderful day

2008-12-12T12:34:00.002+08:00

I received a call among many others which is the norm considering the fact that i just finished a round of spamming my resume.

Anonymous: "hello? Is this eric?"

happily: "oh yes! hello!"

Anonymous" I received your resume ah. Can you teach Tamil Literature?"

happily: *shocked

happily: "圆的不能拿..."

P.S. well of course i didn't say that in deference for racial harmony. But i can watch Tamil films. :p

2008-12-11T14:04:00.004+08:00

I was doing some cleaning up in my computer's folders when i came across photos. Photos taken in randomness, the zaniness, the emo-ness, the hilarious, the serious, the act-serious... I found myself overwhelmed all at once, choked for emotions. The memories just running their course through my mind.

And lots of whatifs, coulditbes and laments crossed my minds. Reminiscing the past while i was stuck in this current rut. I sighed.

And here's one old one.

2008-12-10T00:55:00.001+08:00

I will go for a fat busting run tml

I must go for a fat busting run tml

2008-12-09T19:08:00.002+08:00

The ruse is not going to last long. Time is running out but I am unable to do anything. The cat is beginning to smell the fish. *fidgety

I try my luck tml.

2008-12-09T18:10:00.003+08:00

I finally took the initiative to setup Outlook 2007 properly to access my Gmail as well as my Hotmail inboxes. Reason being the new Hotmail revamp is disappointing. Too much latency and downtime. It is just so irksome.

good luck for your exams again.

2008-12-09T12:55:00.001+08:00

The cold weather has been making my eczema awful as of late. miserable.

D.O.M.O.

2008-12-05T15:14:00.001+08:00

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2008-12-04T23:30:00.002+08:00

For a good deal of this while, I have been feeling angsty and fed up. Over what i don't know. That's the problem... All i know is that i feel oddles of pent-up frustration and perhaps a bit of helplessness. Eric Tan J.H., what do you want?

Someone pour me a glass of wine to drench my heart please

Exam Warfront Report

2008-12-03T01:26:00.002+08:00

2 more exams remaining in this fight against terror.

Liberation on 041208 est. 1130hrs.

OPERATION CWAL !!

02/12/2008

2008-12-02T13:56:00.001+08:00

It was a horrendous exam all right but my day did begin with some startling oddities, albeit positive ones. I thought I was in hot soup when I left home at 8am. A travelling time allowance of only an hour was sure to make me late as past experiences have shown. One and a half hours was the mandatory minimum it took for me to reach school from home with some stringy time of say 15 minutes to spare. This unnecessarily arduous travelling time had nothing to do with the train. It was the bus. The train could zip me to Clementi under 45 minutes, no problem.

The only peeve I have with the train journey is the waiting time as well as the passenger load at Jurong East interchange, where I have to transfer to the East bound line in order to get to Clementi. Elucidation slips my mind everytime I ponder on the mysterious reason behind the high passenger load on the train coming from Boon Lay. The fact is, the train had served barely 5 stations from its terminus in Boon Lay yet the train is almost nearly three quarters full. It seemed to me that almost everyone in Singapore stayed in the vicnity of Boon Lay. But that is really a ridiculous disposition isn’t it?

Now now, back to the oddities of the morning that glistened my day somehow. As I have mentioned earlier on, walking out of the house at 8am when you are supposed to reach school at 9am meant certain doom. It was almost certain that I will be late. 9 out of 10 times this was proven correct. But how sweet, I managed to get on a train that travels direct to Pasir Ris. This meant that I could save time that would otherwise be lost had I taken the usual train. And not to mention the likelihood that I would have to wait a couple of packed trains for the trains coming from Boon Lay are FOREVER packed.

I managed to sleep whilst standing and I reached Clementi a sweet 8.40am. Not too bad actually. But I thought my luck had ran its full course when I reached the interchange because I saw service 96 leave just as I reach. In a valiant attempt to avoid being late (yet again), I dashed for the bus through the bus bay.

O_________O

I was turned away. So humiliating…

It was quite normal for me to expect that the next bus will come in probably some time later cos there is no one in the bus queue except for a solitary me but guess what? A noisy 96 trundled up to me just yet! Woo hoo!

So sweet… Besides this, the streets was conspicuously empty and more importantly free of gridlocks. It was a breeze on the bus. Ironically I actually reached my bus stop earlier than the bus which I so vainly tried to board. I looked at my watch.

8.54am

Just on time. Sweet.

didn't we almost have it all?

2008-11-28T15:35:00.005+08:00

我终于醒悟了。我太傻了。不。是我太笨了。爱情不该是如此。太过于投入的我，早已失去了自己。失去了自己，弄丢了自我，放弃了太多，迷失了方向...

愚昧的我增以为自己能够不惜一切的跨入你的世界。拼命的塑造一个心灵的桥梁。我的执著始终没辜负我。是我辜负了自己。天真的我还以为，只要双脚不停的跨向你，终有一天梦想必定能实现。

希望逐渐变成了奢望。而奢望一枚一枚，像枯叶慢慢掉落。毫无自我的我佚失了灵魂，飘向绝路。断了线的风筝，任由狂风蹂躏。

咳... 都已不重要了。我醒了。

2008-11-28T15:18:00.001+08:00

会有那么一个她吗？